


Home is behind the world ahead

by chan_bi



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Greed's confused, Kidnapping, Ling's confusing, M/M, No Alchemy or Immortality or homunculi's powers, Road Trips, socialist!Ling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:50:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chan_bi/pseuds/chan_bi
Summary: This is either the story of a tense hostage situation or the greatest road trip ever, it depends on whom you ask.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back at writing these two!  
> This is something really different but it's an idea that has been bugging me for weeks so I wrote it down. 
> 
> Thanks to [ Daisy](http://occlueen.tumblr.com/) as always. Do you have any idea how many times does she have to read these weird-ass chapters? She is the true hero of our generation.

Greed kept running as he heard the sounds of the shooting behind him.

Gun in one hand, gym bag full of cash in the other, he ran around a corner and stopped, catching his breath.

This was bad.

This was very very bad.

 

He had decided to do this weeks ago, he had planned this, damn it! He was usually a very impulsive person, but this thing he had thought through, and it had taken weeks to arrange. And yeah, maybe a few weeks was still very little time to plan to leave his own mob family, robbing them blind in the process, but for Greed was still a lot of time to wait and think after making up his mind.

This was just his luck! When he was about to take the money and leave with the forged documents and the necessary contacts, the fucking police came in.

Just his fucking luck.

Still, better a raid now than two weeks ago, when he would have been forced to take part in the fucking shooting.

Still, if they had waited just one more day it would have been perfect!

Damn it!

And now he wouldn’t even be able to go back to the clean getaway car he had prepared. Also, he was sure someone noticed him flee both from the police and the mob.

The gunshots were getting closer.

Fuck.

He needed to get away from there now.

He could hear steps behind the corner. Shouts.

Greed didn’t know if it was police or mob but he sure knew he didn’t want to stick around and find out.

He needed to flee right fucking now.

 

Looking around he saw a big road with little to no people but many moving cars.

Twenty feet from him, though, there was a car parked at the side of the road.

That would have to make do.

No time to think, he sprinted.

There was a person inside, damn it. He tightened his grip on the gun and went on, no way he could go back now.

He opened the passenger’s door, got in, pointed the gun at the driver and talked in the firmer way he could at a time like this.

“Drive, right now, go.”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The moment he entered the car everything started to get insane.

Given his, quite understandable, hurry he looked up to the other person’s face only after he finished his sentence.

They turned out to be a startled looking Xingese kid. They stared at each other for a few moments before Greed moved his gun closer to him and repeated: “Now.”

The kid’s stare went from him to the gun to the gym bag so clearly full of money that Greed could have used a dollar sign bag and be more discreet, to his gun again before settling on his face.

Then the weirdest fucking thing happened.

The guy grinned.

“Right now?”

“What.”

“You want me to go right now?”

Was he mocking him?

He pointed the gun directly against his temple as a response.

The guy fucking smiled wider, did a mocked salute and started the car.

“Sir, yes sir.”

They were out the parking spot and into the traffic only moments before Bradley turned the very corner Greed had rested by seconds ago.

So he was the one running behind him, good call running away even if not in the car prepared for him. If Bradley was there, risking to dirty his perfect reputation of a politician, it meant the situation was really actually serious.

Greed looked outside the window just in time to see his half brother notice the car moving and then its passengers. He couldn’t help but grin as he saw, for the first time in his life, a stunned expression on the guy’s face.

Guess he hadn’t expected Greed to betray that asshole of their father. Or hadn’t expected him to get away with it.

That face alone was almost worth all the risks of his desertion.

They were out of that road and out of sights in seconds.

 

Greed had been wrong, though. That was the moment everything went truly crazy.

 

Still looking at were Bradley vanished, lost in the movements of the traffic behind, he heard a voice beside him (he had almost forgotten he wasn’t alone, even with the car moving and the cold feeling of the steel of the gun in his hand and all)

“So, where should I take you?”

“Huh?”

He turned to see his... well Greed may as well call him what he was… his hostage, politely smiling at him.

“Where do you want to go?” The guy repeated, slowly, like he was talking to a particularly slow child, and not to the man that just kidnapped him at gunpoint.

“Ehm… Just drive out of here. Fast!” Then he added, unintelligently, waving the gun “Or else...”

He got an unimpressed look in response. Was he being judged by the brat he just abducted?

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What isn’t?”

“Driving fast. I’m assuming you were running away from the police, right there. With all the gunshots and the sirens I heard. Not a good idea to break traffic laws if that’s the case.”

“Well, it’s not a good idea getting caught by the mob either.”

“Oh, so you’re not one of them?” He was talking like… like if they were two strangers in line at the dentist office chatting up to avoid boredom.

“Just shut up and drive okay?”

“Sure.”

“...And don’t break any traffic law.”

The dumbass grinned.

“Sure.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Now that they were well out of sights, he decided to get a better look at his driver.

His first impressions had been fairly right. He was a Xingese twenty-something years old, long black hair tied into a seemingly messy ponytail. He cast a sideways glance and smiled at Greed when he saw him looking.

“My name is Ling, by the way. If you want to tell me yours I can stop calling you 'Hot armed stranger' in my head.”

What the fuck was wrong with this guy?

Well, at least Greed knew his motivations now.

“You know, kid, you don’t need to do the whole ‘talk to the kidnapper so he sees you as a person and doesn’t kill you’ bit. I’m not going to hurt you, I’ve no intention of killing you and I don’t care if you’ve seen my face or any other crap movies told you is important to do in this situations.”

“For someone who says he’s not going to hurt me, you wave that gun an awful lot”

Why did he keep seeming so unworried by all this? Was he just that good at pretending?

“What can I say? I gesture a lot, I’m a gestures kind of guy. I was in the mob until like fifteen minutes ago, maybe I’ve got Italian blood…”

“That’s funny! You’re funny! Also, just a suggestion, you could put the gun down. I’m cooperating, there’s no need for any of that”

“And I am supposed to just believe that?”

“Did I gave you any reason not to believe me?”

Greed thought about it a little.

“No, you didn’t… Why didn’t you?”

“Maybe I just want to break the monotony of my life and you look interesting enough.”

“I look interesting enough so you just go with being abducted? What if I said that you need to drive me all the way to the other side of the country?”

The kid, (what was his name?) Ling, honest to god, shrugged.

“Fine by me.”

“You know, people normally reject abductors stealing their car at gunpoint…”

“Eh, this car is big enough for three, even four of yous” he thought about it for a second “if they squeeze a little” he amended.

 

“You’re insane.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment, Mr 'Hot armed stranger'.”

“Oh my God, this is just my life. The police shows up the moment I planned my escape from the mob and now I’ve abducted an insane person to drive me.”

“Eh, I can say the same about me. I was chilling in a parking spot and a hot madman with a gun showed up out of nowhere. Can you tell me where to go now?”

“Turn left at the next intersection, let’s get out of town from East then go West. Just to be sure, if somebody’s following us”

“Mmmm next intersection? Are you sure? I’d turn the one after...”

“Yes, I’m sure, do as I told you.”

“Okay, okay if you’re sure.”

He followed his instructions and went down the exact road Greed wanted him to take… until they met some orange street signs.

“Fuck! ‘Road work ahead’”

Ling gasped. Then looked at him like today was his birthday and Greed had just given him the best present in the world.

“Ah... yeah?! I sure hope it does!”

What.

“What?”

“Come on! The vine!”

“The what?”

Ling stopped the car abruptly. Some angry dude surpassed them blowing the horn like his life depended on it.

“What do you mean what?” He turned toward him looking more shocked than when Greed entered his car.

 

“Did I tell you to stop?”

Ling ignored him and started to search his pockets frantically. “Yes yes shoot me, whatever, but first,” he fished out a phone and started typing. “Watch this.”

Greed found himself with a phone in his hand and a six seconds clip playing. He looked up at Ling watching him closely and expectantly.

Millennials…

Also, Greed wanted to kick himself. Forgetting to take the phone away from a hostage, rookie mistake. He should be ashamed of himself.

Also, he decided that the vine thing was not worth addressing.

“I’m keeping this.” He wiggled the phone now in his possession. “Don’t want you to call anyone or something.”

“LOL, call? I wouldn't make a phone call if my life was on the line… which... hey it’s pretty much the situation I’m in now, I guess, right?”

“Shut up. Your life is not on the line, idiot, just go back to driving.”

“Aye aye…” After they went back to the middle of the increasing traffic (due to the fucking road works) “I should be angry you took it…”

“And you’re not?”

“No, I have been an idiot. And so have you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You should break my phone, and yours while you’re at it. You know, GPS…”

“I have a burner, I’ve been planning this, you know.”

“You’ve been planning to steal a random car with someone inside?”

“Not everything went according to plan, okay? I had to improvise.”

“Okay okay, still, you should break mine.”

“Why would anyone want to track you? They don’t know I’m with you.”

“... well… eh, maybe someone saw you.”

Fuck, maybe the brat was right.

“Bradley.”

“What?”

“King Bradley maybe saw us.”

Ling tensed up a little.

“...The politician?”

“Yeah, he saw me take this car… he may get information about you, now that I think about it…”

“Bradley was there?”

“My sweet brother? Why yes, he was”

“I’m sorry, your brother? King Bradley's your brother?”

“Eh, half-brother.”

Greed placed the phone in the dash and smashed it with the butt of the gun. Ling cast him a few quick glances, smirking, as he threw the phone out of the window.

He thought about it for a few minutes then shrugged and pocketed the gun. Ling laugh made him turn around.

“See, now we’re just two unusually hot friends going on a road trip!”

“We really aren't.”

“You don’t think you’re hot”

“I’m gorgeous, thank you very much. That’s not what I meant.”

“Wait… you don’t think *I’m* hot?”

“I think you’re weird.”

“But also good looking, right?”

“How is this a priority for you, in a moment like this? Anyway, I don’t trust you, you’re being too helpful.”

“You’re changing the subject… And what, you would have preferred an uncooperative hostage?”

“I can understand not being cooperative, I cannot understand whatever you’re doing.”

“So why did you put your gun away if you don’t trust me?”

“Eh, it could be a long time before we part ways, I don’t want to spend all of it pointing a gun at you, it’s tiresome. Also, we’re in the middle of the city, in the middle of traffic, if by chance, somebody looks inside this car, they would see you being held at gunpoint.”

“It would be a lot easier to leave me on the side of the road and go on by yourself, then… less dangerous for you.”

“And let you call the police on me the second I don’t have you in sight?”

“I wouldn’t do that!”

“Yeah, I believe you so much. And why do you sound...disappointed when talking about me letting you go?”

“I... think of this as an adventure! This day has been… something... but now I’m on a road trip! I’ve never been on a true honest to god road trip!” he started to jump on his seat. “ We should buy snacks!”

“We will not buy snacks. I honestly think you don’t really understand the situation you’re in, kid.”

“Oh, Mr. 'Hot armed stranger' I think I do. You assumed this is the wildest thing that has happened to me today… honestly, that’s bold of you!”

“Hum? Okay, I’ll bite, it’s not like I’ve got anything else to do… What happened to you today?”

“I just quit my job.”

“Oh wow, so much more intense than being kidnapped by a mobster…”

“You said you’re not a mobster anymore-”

“Still… where did you work?”

“The Yao Company”

The Yao company rang a huge bell inside Greed mind. The CEO Xing Yao was one of the most prominent ‘business associates’ of Bradley. In a few days, they planned to move the better part of the company’s money in a Caiman account and declare fraudulent bankruptcy leaving most of his employees without jobs and months of late salaries.

Greed looked at the kid and wondered if he should tell him what a huge bullet he just dodged.

Naaa, he wanted to be right far more than help this brat understand how nuanced his situation really was.

“Wow… quitting a corporate job… so much adrenaline…”

“You’d be surprised… Hey! In some way, we both quit our jobs today! Man, what a coincidence, we’re so similar!”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re practically the same person…”

They stayed silent for a while, with the exception of some directions Greed gave now and then on what turn to take. They exited the city from East and then started to circuit it to get West, like planned.

“I can’t go on, I’m too hungry”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“It’s been a weird morning and I haven’t eaten enough.”

“And it is my problem how?”

“You don’t want me behind the wheel when I’m hungry, I have a tendency to… pass out…”

Fuck… if it was true… just his luck.

“Just my fucking luck, an insane brat who cannot drive for two hours straight”

“Just switch with me, drive until we find somewhere safe to eat.”

“And leave you with free hands while I drive.”

“Oh come on, when did I give you any reason to doubt me? You put away your gun!”

“I’m regretting it already.”

“You said you wouldn’t shoot me.”

“Never said the gun was for you, I want to put an end to *my* sufferings. You’re driving me mad.”

“No, I’m driving you out of the city.”

“What did I do in my past life to deserve this.”

Ling laughed but tried again right after.

“I really need to eat, 'Hot armed stranger'.” And then he pouted, he honest to god pouted at him. “Please…”

How could this be his life? What set of circumstances led him to a moment like this?

He huffed.

“You will do no talking other than order, smile and say thank you. Nothing else. If I see you even think about warning someone…”

The brat threw his arms on the air in celebration before remembering he was driving and putting them back safely on the wheel.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They had stopped in the drive-in of a random fast food and the brat had ordered pretty much every single thing on the menu, smiling expectantly at Greed when the girl presented them with the check.

Greed had paid and switched places with him so he could eat more easily.

At least now he could have some peace and quiet.

“I don’t like these.”

Of course, he couldn’t have.

Ling was whining, making the cuffs on his right wrist clink and moving around, as much as he could being tied up to the car door (as if Greed could let him stay free while he was busy driving).

 

“Stop it, at least you’re eating, as you wanted, and I’m driving, as you wanted. Keeping you here does seem to make less and less sense, now that I’m thinking about it.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“How do you know.”

“Just because…”

“Yeah sure, valid argument… I’m convinced…”

“Be as sarcastic as you want but I still know why you didn’t ditch me on the side of the road and run with the car.”

“Hmhm, sure. You know so much you don’t even know my name.”

“I don’t need to know your name Mr. 'Hot armed stranger' to know that you just want some company on this… escape… journey… adventure of yours.”

...This brat was so fucking annoying…

“Shut up and eat your food.”

Greed pushed Ling’s hand with the carton straight toward his face, sending some fries flying and making him smudge sauce all over his cheeks.

“Hey! Leave my fries alone, you monster!”

“Finally you get it!”

“You have no soul, taking your anger out on some innocent fries.” Ling shook his head.

“Shut up and hand me some.”

“You don’t deserve them.”

But he did hand the carton out so Greed could pick some of the fries out while driving.

Then, they silently set a pace (first with the fries, then with the nuggets and so on) Ling moving the cartons to his tied up hand to take some then moving it between them for Greed to eat.

 

Ling broke the silence again only when they found themselves way out of town.

“How does someone ends up joining the mob?”

Oh, this was the kind of small talk he wanted to have? Not weird at all…

“Why does someone quit a corporate job and is happy to be forced in a country-long road trip at your age? Aren’t you quite too young to have a midlife crisis?”

“Ahah! So you admit this is a road trip!”

“Idiot.”

“As far as being too young for a midlife crisis, it depends on how young you die, does it not?”

“No… It really doesn’t.”

“Eh… Agree to disagree. Anyway, that is not my case…”

“So why?”

“I asked you first! How did you end up mixed up with the mob?”

“Eh family reasons… Why did you take a job you clearly didn’t like?”

Ling smiled.

“Family reasons… And I never said I didn’t like it, it was just... something I had to do, quit I mean. Why did you run away from it?”

“Turns out, family isn’t that much of a reason when you hate yours.”

“Meaning?”

“I didn’t want to work for that asshole of my father anymore.”

Ling handed him his cup of soda and took his own, he then raised it in a mocked toast.

“Cheers to that! That is also my reason, told you we’re much more similar than you’d think!”

They went on eating for a little more until Ling whispered urgently.

“We have a problem.”

Greed looked around as if Bradley or his asshole father were to show up in the backseat of the car.

“What?”

Ling showed him the thing he had in his hands.

“Only the burgers are left and I don’t know how to help you eat yours while you’re driving…”

Greed blinked.

“Are you serious?”

“Well, it’s a problem.”

“It’s… Oh my god, okay, I’m full anyway with all that other fucking food you ordered, I’ll eat mine later.”

“I could… aid you with this heavy burden…”

“Do not touch my burger.”

“But I can see how this problem is weighing on your shoulders… I could make it go away in a few bites.”

“Don’t you dare, you little pissant! I’ll stop the car and eat yours too”

“You wouldn’t do that”

“Try me.”

“Okay okay, let’s not make harsh decisions now.”

“Just hand me my soda, again.”

While taking a sip, Greed found himself smirking at their antics. And maybe that was the weirdest thing of all this… road trip.

“Anyway, 'Hot armed stranger'…”

“... Greed”

“What?”

“My name… Greed.”

“Are you serious?”

“I told you I hate my asshole father, right?”

“Yeah, I can see why…”

He took a huge bite and added, with his mouth full “Anyway, Greed, there’s a cop car following us.”

“WHAT?”

He looked on the rearview mirror to see, indeed, a police car following them.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think they know who you are. They just saw you when you blew that stop sign a few miles back”

Greed took a deep breath.

“And you made us argue about a burger instead of telling me that?”

“It was important.”

“Okay, okay, nothing to worry about. They haven’t asked us to pull over yet. I’ll free your hand and you can come back to the driver seat. They’ll ask your documents but not mine and everything will be alright.”

“Aww, you trust me with that.”

“... I’ll still have my gun in my pocket.”

“You don’t need to threaten me… Anyway, it’s not going to work.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t show them my documents?” He said it like it was obvious.

“Why not?”

“What do you mean why n… Oh yeah, no my bad. I get the confusion. You see, this isn’t my car.”

“What”

"I stole it. I needed to run away and send a message at the same time, and steal this car could help me do both."

"What are you talking about?"

“Weeeeell, remember when I said I quit my job? It wasn’t much quitting and more like stealing more than half the company’s money and dividing it among the employees as bonuses after hearing the company was about to declare fraudulent bankruptcy…”

Greed… didn’t know how to respond to that.

“...I tried to do a little bit of redistribution of wealth if you will...”

“H-how?”

“I was kinda of the vice CEO, sort of nepotism if you ask me, but I wouldn’t have been able to do it otherwise so… nepotism because of me being Xing Yao’s son.”

“What”

“I know right?” He mimicked his head exploding.

“But… but you have the keys! Of the car”

“Yeah… I stole those too”

“From who?”

“Whom.”

“...”

“...King Bradley?”

“WHAT”

“I needed to escape. The mob was after me for pulling a stunt like that, even with me being my father's son. Fuck, I just discovered that I have have a mob-linked father! And I really don't think they'll go easy on me... Anyway, I had just changed the plates and ditched the GPS of Bradley's car when you stopped me…”

“So you planned it? Stealing it.”

“Not really, I just have a friend who’s a mechanic and she helped me last minute.”

“You’re insane.”

“I like to think of it more like, we’re insane. Just two insane, incredibly attractive guys, running from the mob and bonding.” Then he smiled. “Look,” He turned and grabbed a gym bag from the backseat of the car, half full of money. He pointed at it and then at Greed’s own gym bag full of cash. “Samesies!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the shenanigans continue!!

The cop car signaled them to pull over.  


“You seem like a talented bullshitter, kid."

"Thank you!” Ling tried to use the most falsely touched voice he had.

"Let's just stop over there and bullshit ourselves out of this situation.”

“Yeah... we could do that..."

Damn, was Ling being a bad influence on his mobster kidnapper?

“Seriously?”

“It’s up to you…”

"We're low on gas."

"Don't do it then."

He received a look and that was all he needed as a response.

Yeah, he was a bad influence, and this was going to be so. Much. Fun.

'Hot armed stranger', Greed, fished some keys from his pants’ pocket and tossed them at him.  


"There, you're free, if they catch us at least I'm just going down for theft, grand theft auto, and criminal association and not for kidnapping."

He seemed ready to go but Ling, while freeing himself, noticed how the setting wasn't complete yet.  


"Wait, wait, don’t start yet! We can't have a car chase without the right music!"

"Are you serious?"

"More than I've ever been in my life! And since my phone is dead somewhere on the side of the road, we'll have to make do with whatever is on the radio... like in the ancient times"

He tossed the cuffs in the backseat and went for the radio.

"Okay, I guess... but move it, I think our friends are starting to get impatient."  


When the first three notes of the song of the first station he tried hit Ling he smiled at their luck and turned up the volume.  


"No need, I already found the best song in existence."

"Really? This?"

"It's perfect, isn't it? Now let's start the fun!"  


Greed hit the gas and for a couple of minutes, the only sounds in the air were engine noises, police sirens, and Africa by Toto.  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I hate you.”

“Aww, come on 'Hot armed stranger', it was fun! And we escaped.”

“Sure… And now we’re two guys walking in the middle of nothing with two bags full of cash and pretty much nothing else. We have no way to properly dispose of the stolen car we had and no car to move away fast after the cops will inevitably find it.”  


That was indeed true.

They had managed to outrun the patrol car somehow (no, not somehow, turned out Greed had some mad driving skills, Ling couldn't help but being impressed by that) and it had been awesome, if even a little bit risky (okay stupidly risky).

Obviously, Greed was right about the car having little to no gas left, so of course they immediately run out of it after the chase.

They argued a little bit about what was the most sensible thing to do; move the car and try to hide it a little bit, wasting precious time, or leaving it on the side of the road for the police, that was most likely still looking for them, to find. They decided to hide it, because giving the cops the advantage of knowing they were, now, moving on foot was too much of a risk compared to the little time they would gain not hiding it.

They moved it into a small dirt road not far from where it stopped and proceeded in that direction for a few hundred yards before parking it behind some bushes. That wouldn’t hide it from anyone using that dirt road but it wasn't visible from the main one anymore, and that had to be good enough. It would probably take some time for the cops to find it and connect it to them, even more so because Ling lost a little more time by taking off the license plates.

After deciding the direction to take they walked off, with only a gun, a pair of handcuffs and a shitload of cash.  


“Well yeah, it’s bad... but it could be worse…”

Greed, that was walking slightly ahead of Ling, half turned back toward him, with a cigarette Ling hadn’t even noticed he had lighted in hand.

“How.”

He probably recognized the mischievous look on his face because they finished the sentence almost with one voice.

“It could be raining.”

“It could be raining, yeah yeah.”

They both looked up but, unfortunately, no thunder nor rain cinematically appeared out of nowhere at the end of their quote. What a shame. Sometimes the universe has no sense of humour.  


“Anyway, move in front of me, I don’t want to take my eyes off you, pest.”

“Awww come on, I thought we were over that by now.” He tried to make his voice as much whiny as he could, while doing what told. “You’re even letting me keep my cash bag.”

“Hey, hey I’m not letting you keep anything, I’m letting you carry it to have at least one hand free to reach for my gun if you do something I don’t like.”  


Ling made an overly loud gasp.

“You wouldn’t take something from me, would you?”

“Why not, I already took your car, it’s not like I knew it wasn’t yours. And stop with that thing you’re doing, I figured you out, now.”

Oh really? He was more observant than he thought he would be.

“Oh really? Figured me out how?” Ling decided that the best course of action was to just stay in front of Greed and walk backwards, looking at him.

“Exactly that! All this clowning you’re doing, you’re trying to make me drop my guard.”

Okay, maybe he wasn’t that observant after all.

“Naa, that’s not it. I’m just a surprisingly easy going person.”  


He smiled and, while still moving backwards, tripped over a rock and fell down (totally on purpose, of course, to make sure 'Hot armed stranger' didn’t see him as a threat… obviously).  


What Greed didn’t seem to get was how beneficial was the entire situation for Ling. Technically, the whole stealing half the money of his father’s company and giving it to their employees hadn’t been illegal from his part. His father had opened a way for him to do it legally by doing all that illicit stuff while trying to steal it all for himself. Even the part about the bag full of money was sketchy at best, it was his father’s money and he had access to it for work related reasons, plus his father couldn’t report it missing to the authorities without opening himself to an investigation concerning years of fraud. (Wasn’t it still a punch in the gut thinking about how much money Ling unknowingly helped that fascist make?)

Ultimately, the only act that could really cause him trouble with the police was stealing Bradley’s car, and now he had this perfect scapegoat in the form of an armed ex-mobster with a grudge against Bradley that anyone would believe forced him into the stolen car. Also, he was now following a person that probably knew better than him how to get away from the mob itself, which was without a doubt going to go after him, the person that cost them billions of dollars.

Yeah, he did not want to walk away from this.  


It would be sad if he was forced to push Greed under the bus if they were caught, though. Ling really liked the guy, he had never met anyone like him.  


“So, boss, what do we do now? Steal another car?” He asked while Greed reached up to him and extended his cigarette-free hand to help him up.

“Boss?”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I can’t call you 'Hot armed stranger' anymore. We sang Africa by Toto together, it’s an unbreakable bond, we’re no strangers to each other after that!”

“Wait a minute, let’s get things straight…”

“Eh, I never got anything straight in my life!” Ling took his time to grab the extended hand, he wanted to be a little bit more dramatic than necessary about the whole thing, just for fun.

“Shut up, I’m talking, and it’s important to make it clear that you sang that song all by yourself… Every last word of it, now that you mention it. Do you actually know it by heart?”

“I won’t stand here and pretend I didn’t see you humming it by the end!”  


Greed let go of him while he was still midair and Ling went down again.

“Then don’t stand.”

“Ouch! You’re an horrible boss! I’ll file a protest with the union.”

“Yeah, you do that. Now, come on, kid.”

Ling helped himself up this time, while Greed put down his cigarette on the sole of his boot. When he started walking again he did it upwards this time.

“You didn’t answer my question, though. Do we steal another car?”

Greed laughed at him. “That would be a rookie mistake!”

“*I* make rookie mistakes Mr. let’s break every traffic law and forget to take the phone away from a hostage?”

“Yes, you do, Mr. Leaving your phone on while running from King Bradley.”

Ling blushed, that was on him alright. Greed went on.

“A car reported stolen near a recovered stolen car is a main red flag. I've got a brand new identity with a brand new ID and two bags full of cash, we just need to go to the nearest town and buy a used car”

“Oh, that’s clever! We sure need to get our act together… Be smarter about this. It’s a miracle we haven’t been caught already. That thing about buying a used car makes a lot of sense…”

“Good, glad we’re on the same page. Not that it makes that much difference since I would have done it anyway.”  


They went on walking until Ling registered what Greed had said.  


“Hey! Did you say *you* have *two* bags of cash? So you *are* going to take it from me!”

“Don't even start with me, let’s just walk, I do not want to be caught because you wanted to whine.”

Ling looked back just enough to make sure Greed could see his pout but didn’t make the same mistake as before and turned back around, looking at where he was going while speeding up the pace.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The nearest town turned out to be not so near and they ended up walking for the better part of the afternoon. By the time they reached it the car dealer, that they thankfully managed to find pretty easily even without google maps (seriously how did people move around in new places without a smartphone?), was almost closing.  


The sale was over pretty quickly. The salesperson, a sweaty guy with big glasses and a three days beard badly trimmed, obviously wanted to go home and didn't bat an eye at the all-cash purchase.

The sun had completely set by the time they got out with a piece of junk that could barely be described as a car and Ling had started to notice the first signs of dizziness. Thankfully Greed had decided, for whatever reason, to be the driver again so Ling was able to just lean back into his seat and try to keep his vision from going too fuzzy without the danger of causing a car crash.

He was probably doing a bad job at trying to stay responsive because he didn't even notice Greed pulling over and dig through his own bag before feeling something literally falling onto his lap.

He opened one eye (yeah they were closed, when did he close them?) and immediately recognized the wrapper of the burger they bought for lunch what felt like decades ago.  


He didn’t have much energy but he couldn’t just *not* be a little shit about everything, could he?  


“Are you really giving me your burger after all?”

‘Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore’ snorted.

“Fuck no, as if I’d do something like that. That’s yours. You didn’t finish it after the cops started chasing us and I took it when we ditched the car.”  


Ling wanted to stare at Greed, to try to understand him more. He was a fascinating man (and not only because he was incredibly hot), but every fiber of his body told him to look away from him and give all the attention to the food on his lap. He fished his pills from his pocket, very aware of Greed’s eyes on him, and gulped down one without water, because they didn’t have any, and then finally, finally he unwrapped the thing.

The burger was… not so good… it was cold and gummy but Ling finished it in less than three bites and finally felt a little better.

“Thanks, boss”

Greed shrugged.

“Eh, I'd probably go down for your murder if you die while being my hostage, and you were starting to look a little zombie-like.”

“I was not, I think you meant devastatingly handsome.”

“Oh yeah, the whole barely conscious thing is a big turn on for me. How did you know?”

Ling laughed. Yeah, it would be sad if he’d end up needing to turn on this guy.

“I have my ways.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you anyway?”

“Diabetes.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yup.”

“You’re not fucking with me?”

“Nope.”

“Perfect, of course I’ve got a crazy kid that peer pressured me to ditch the cops and has fucking diabetes as a hostage.” He was laughing hysterically now.

“Did you seriously just used the term peer pressure? Also, should I feel insulted about this?”

“It’s just my luck, no worries. Hey wait, why haven’t you used the thing?”

“What thing?”

“The thing...the syringe thing?” He mimicked the act of stabbing himself more than the one of properly using a syringe.

“Oh insulin! Yeah no, not that kind of diabetes. I just need to take these pills” He took the bottle from his pocket and wiggled it. “ Metformin, two times a day, be careful with what I eat and not skip meals.”

“And maybe not walk for miles running from the cops in search of a new getaway car?”

“Yeah, and not walk for miles running from the cops in search of a new getaway car.”

“Good to know…”  


Ling stretched out and yawned.

“When can we stop for a bit, dinner and some sleep would be pretty much the best thing ever right now.”

“I still want to put a little more miles between us and the old car…” He looked sideways at him. “But not much longer, it’s been a long day for me too.”  


Ling nodded and felt a little better, he really did want to just sleep for a while, in a bed possibly. Anytime he tried to close his eyes and relax a little he’d become hyper aware of all the faint screeching noises the fucking car was making.

  
“You’ve been ripped off by the way, this car is junk.”

“We needed to move away from the old car, fast, I didn’t have time to negotiate okay? Also, the happier the dealer is about the deal the less he’ll think about why did we paid cash from a fucking gym bag.”

“Still…”

“Anyway *I* wasn’t ripped off, since I used your money. Technically you were.”

  
Ling didn’t know if he wanted to make a fake gasp about it (he wasn’t actually upset, it wasn’t like he didn’t have at least some intention of stealing Greed’s own bag by the end of this thing) or to not give him the satisfaction of a response. Sadly his indecision brought him to make half a noise, kind of high pitched that made 'Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore' smirk smugly.

He tried to fix it the best he could.

“Didn't’ you say they were both yours? You need to stop giving me mixed signals, in every way, my old little heart can’t take it.”

“...Shut up.”

Perfect.

\-----------------------------------------

  
They got xingese takeout and searched for a motel.  
  
Ling didn’t have a fancy new identity like Greed did (hell, he had even left home his old fake ID from the good old underage drinking days) so Greed went in alone to take the room just in case they’d want to register every client. It made sense, people were probably looking for him, if not the police, Bradley and his merry fellowship of criminals… or his father with his connections.  
  
So, it was probably sensible not to wave around papers.

  
But this thing about cuffing him to the car door needed to stop, Greed hadn't done it again while driving in the new car but he surely hadn’t trusted him to stay put for 3 seconds while getting the room.  
  
Why Greed hadn’t thought he would scream to get help, if he didn’t trust him, was a mystery. Maybe it was a test, to see if he’d do it. They were pretty far away from the nearest town, the police response would be quite slow. It would be a gamble, but not one as big as leaving him with the possibility of stealing the car and running away (and maybe then calling the police) probably.  
Anyway, it was a moot point, it wasn’t like Ling had any intention of getting away, the only sad part was that the food was on the backseat behind the driver, so close he could smell it but utterly unattainable.  
  
After a few minutes, 'Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore' came back to free him and take the bags and the food inside. He told him the room number and trusted him to climb inside through the window on his own. That was something, right? Baby steps.  
  
Inside, they ate soup noodles and dumplings and drank beer in companionable silence, watching the news in hope to find information about the police bust or the Yao company scandal.

There were none.

Which probably meant both that Bradley’s connections with the mob hadn’t been discovered and that his father got a way to cover up the mess Ling did.

Ling looked up at Greed to see him gritting his teeth. Man, he must’ve really hated his brother. Not that Ling didn’t after what he found out. His father, too. He never believed his old man was a good person, he had never been that naive, even as a child, but he never suspected the extent. Remembering how awful a person he was and how he had almost made him part of scamming thousands of people made him grit his teeth alongside Greed.

He decided to take a shower to calm down.

He had hoped for a few minutes under hot water to help him relax after the weird day he had, but what he actually got was one minute of lukewarm water before what could only be described as ice came down the shower instead, followed by a rough towel and the same pants he had worn the entire day.

At least he got that minute, though. Greed, that went after him, got only ice cold water judging from the swears he heard coming from the bathroom.

And at least he got to see Greed get back into the room wearing only a towel around his waist.  
When he looked at him Ling had to congratulate himself on the name 'Hot armed stranger' because the man sure did have big guns alright.

Ling, meanwhile had dried his hair with his own towel and was now slumped down into the bed. Only when his brain started to work again after that whole scenic entry he finally noticed the issue they were going to have.

“There’s only one bed.”

Greed was putting his boxers on (and that was without a doubt the most illegal thing he’d done that day in Ling’s opinion) and looked down at him like he was stupid.  


“Well, I did sneak you in from a window, you genius. It wasn’t like I could ask for a double bedroom by myself.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense, but still how do we do this?”

He moved one hand back and forth between them, in an overly exaggerated way.

Greed sat on the other side of the bed and shrugged.  


“We just sleep, fuck’s sake, don’t make it weird, it’s been a long day and I need to sleep. Tomorrow I want to do a lot more miles, hopefully without the need of walking for hours and switching cars.”

“We also need some new clothes. It wasn’t like I packed for stealing from my father and running away across the country this morning before work.”

“Yeah, it sucks. I had my bag full of supplies in the getaway car I couldn’t reach during the shootout. Also, you may need a new ID kid, even not one from a pro right now but still an acceptable one.”

“Do you know someone?”

“Not this far away from the city, I may need to risk contacting some people tomorrow to know where to go. Hopefully, Bradley hasn’t put all of my contacts under surveillance...”  


Ling was making himself comfortable on his side of the bed.  


“It’s funny how you don’t trust me alone in the car for 5 minutes but you trust me to sleep here all night.”

Greed, still seated on his side, smirked evilly down at him and showed him what he had in his hands.  


Of course, the cuffs...  


“Oh come on! How can you still doubt we’re on the same side! Or at least that we both need each other.”

'Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore' was really hot while arching an eyebrow in his boxer shorts as his only response.

“Aww, dude! What do you think I’ll do?”

“Run away with my money.”

“Okay, okay that’s a good point, but then why risk it by keeping me around with you?”

“So you can’t call the cops on me?”

“You found me with a stolen car, a bag full of cash minutes after I stole all of my father’s company money! What makes you think I’ll do something like calling the cops?”

“You’re a young rich kid, somewhat idealistic, that did a crazy thing without thinking it through in name of... what?”

“The people.”

“There. Not a vague concept at all! You did it on a whim, you probably have never faced real consequences for any of your actions in your life. I am pretty sure that when you'll realize exactly what you did and what the consequences will be you’ll go crawling back to your old life.”

“You don’t know that! You don’t know me at all.” Damn, he hated when someone was able to get him to show his anger, he was usually able to mask it out with a smile. Other people shouldn’t have the right to get under his skin! He was the one who got under other people's skin. Ask literally anyone in Ling’s life!

“I know people like you, kid. You may have a good heart but you’re not going to change the world and the second you’ll realize that you’ll take back your place in the privileged status you were born in, and, to do that, you’re going to need to have a scapegoat. And that will be me.”

Damn, so he did finally get Ling’s game. How did that happen? When did Ling slip? Or was just Greed that had had time to piece it all together?

He was a lot smarter than he would have thought. Or maybe it was all those years working in the criminal underground… Yeah, that would shape a person to think about all the ways people could screw you over alright...

“You’re wrong!”

“Am I, now?”

“Not about the scapegoat thing. Because, yeah sure, I was willing to push my kidnapper under the bus even for my own crimes if the situation forced me. I think it’s pretty normal. But not without a reason, not right now, only if I’m forced into a situation that requires it. And, more importantly I will never go back to that place like nothing happened. I’ll never be like him. Or Bradley. You are wrong about that! I’ll never change my mind! Many people would have lost their jobs and their money because of the two of them! I couldn’t face them all again if I came home like nothing happened.”

“Then prove me wrong!”

“Oh I will, don’t you think I won’t.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”  


Ling used all of his self control not to start screaming, it would not help his argument that he wasn’t just an entitled brat and they really did not need someone checking on the room.

So he did the mature thing… he sulked a little, laid down arms crossed.  


Greed was still sitting, giving his back at him, and he scratched his head, seeming... uncomfortable?... with the atmosphere he created.

“Look, kid, it’s just, I’ve seen it a million times. I’ve been in the game for twenty years, a lot more than my entire adult life, and I know how it ends. But I really would like to see you prove me wrong, if I’m being honest. It would be… something, at least.”

“Just wait and see, then.”

“Oh come on! Quit sulking. I know we are better off together than alone doing this for a lot of selfish reasons, both of us… But it still is kind of better doing this not alone beyond that, you know? You’re completely crazy and you drive me up the walls but I can’t say you’re not enjoyable nor amusing, in your own weird way…”

Wait, was he facing the other way because he was embarrassed?

He was!

That was priceless.

That put a smile on Ling's face in seconds, previous fight temporarily put aside.

“Awww”

“Shut up!”

Ling was now full on laughing.

“That was so sweet! So you do like me! Thanks, 'Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore' slash boss!”

“I said shut up, I still need you to put this on.” He waved the cuffs a little.

“Yeah, yeah… I know, go on.”  


Greed reached for Ling’s farther away wrist trying to cuff it to the headboard, in the corner of the bed. It made sense to choose that hand to tie, in the way that Ling’s stretched arm wouldn’t be the one between them while they slept, but the action caused Greed to be practically on top of him for a few moments, bare chests inches from touching.

Ling couldn’t miss the chance to be cheeky one last time today.

So while Greed was still struggling with the cuffs he added.  


“Yeah, now that I think about it, in this precise moment I’m not that much against cuffs if we use them in the right way…”

“Stop it.”

“If you know what I mean…”

“Shut up and go to sleep.” With that Greed moved back on his side of the bed, a little too quickly to feel as natural and unaffected by the comment as he obviously wanted to look, and finally laid down too.  


So Ling shut up and went to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First one to guess at least 20 references from shows or books gets a teddybear!

The next morning, it took Greed a few minutes to realize where he was. The rough fabric of the sheets and the chirping of birds that were so obviously not city pigeons told him he was not in his apartment downtown. Probably a one night stand then, it explained the light snoring next to him and the arm slumped over his chest. It took him to actually turn and find himself face to face with a sleeping Ling to remind him just how fucked up his life actually was.

Yeah… the twenty-something wannabe revolutionary rich kid he kidnapped inadvertently. Maybe a step ahead from his old life, but even that was debatable… Now, that was saying something.

He moved the kid’s arm away, careful not to wake him up (why was he bothering anyway?) and sat up. He realized Ling was spread on his back and pretty much taking up all the space in the bed, a big achievement given that he was still cuffed to one of the corners. He had been left with little to no room himself.

That was it.

“Come on, wake up, we need to go.”

A noise escaped the kid but nothing audible or understandable by any human, that’s for sure.

“Now!”

Ling threw him a pillow and mumbled something a little louder but still unintelligible.

Nope. He had no intention of doing this thing. He wanted to be out and driving as soon as possible.

He opened the curtains while putting on his pants and almost risked his life doing so.

“Noooooo. You’re one of those…” He could barely hear the guy with a second pillow (Greed’s pillow!) pressed on his face.

“One of those?”

“A Morning Person.” He put the pillow out of his face just to shoot Greed a murderous look. “I hate you.”

“I’m a morning person only when I need to run across the country as fast as I can. Because of people chasing after me to kill me.”

“Arrgh, alright. But at least bring me some breakfast in bed before I need to… do the thing… the waking up thing.”

“If we’re not out of this room in five minutes I’m not letting you get breakfast at all.”

Ling gasped, but not the way ordinary people do. He actually looked at him in the eyes like a lost puppy and said the word “Gasp!”

How was it that Greed hadn’t killed him already?

“Four minutes!”

Ling jumped out of the bed like it was on fire.

Ling was also still tied to the bed so he went down like a sack of potatoes and hit his head on the headboard.

Greed made a sound that thankfully will never be associated with his person.

Oh God, he actually did it, he killed Ling!

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They had a generous breakfast (and some ice for the bump on the idiot’s head), Ling had convinced him to actually stay at a diner and eat there instead of getting food to go, and there they had decided what to do next.

They agreed that getting some groceries and some changes of clothes was the priority.

They also decided to be careful about where they'd be when calling Greed’s contact about Ling's fake ID. Not a town where they had slept or eaten or shopped, but a passing one so that even if tracked, nobody would be able to get information about what they were driving or Greed’s new identity.

Hell, he hated to admit it but the kid was really bright (even if he was also dumb as hell) and he had found that most of his suggestions were actually valid ideas.

It wasn't like Greed didn't know that Ling was actually using him, and their whole situation, to get a 'get out of jail free card' in case they were caught (hell, he even admitted it the night before), but he also trusted that he wouldn't suggest something that could get them found by Bradley.

(When had he started to trust this conniving pest with anything?)

They were now on the road again, finally, and wearing new clean clothes, also finally.

Greed had bought some bandages for Ling’s right wrist, since it seemed to be the one he would use the cuffs on most of the times. The idiot had then proceeded to bandage both his arms and when asked he had simply shrugged and said “fashion”.

They also got some snacks for the road, not because Ling asked or because he thought in any way that this was anything similar to a road trip, of course not, mind you, but because it just made sense, traveling all day with a guy who collapsed when hungry... And it wasn't like he cared, it was strictly self-preservation, there was a fifty-fifty chance the kid would be driving while having an episode, or whatever it was.  


The kid in question was indeed behind the wheel at the moment, uncharacteristically silent. They had just tried the news again, on the radio, to see if something new had happened, but they still hadn't heard a thing about Bradley or the Yao company.  


“I still don’t understand why you stole Bradley’s car.”

It wasn't that he wanted Ling to talk, he liked the peace and quiet that was hanging in the car at the moment and he did not miss the insane chattering. Greed just wanted more information about the guy, to have the upper hand, and that was it.

“I don’t understand why you call your brother by his last name.”

“And how should I call him? King?”

“It’s his name, is it not?”

“Eh, not really. It’s Wrath”

“Oh… oh wow. He managed to have even a worst real name than King. I wouldn’t think it would be possible.”

“Eh, I told ya… asshole father and all.”

"Yeah, assholes fathers… I worked for mine from the moment I graduated college. I did my job and I was good at it, I thought if I put my mind to it and did my best maybe I'd be able to slowly change those policies of the company that I thought weren't fair. You know, make a difference."

God, this kid was so young (or detached from the real world) to still think something like that.

“Yeah yeah, I know what you’re about to say, ‘Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore’, it was a really naive view of the world, but I still believed it, hell I still believe it now, I just hadn't thought about what other people would be doing. Bradley and my father were using all of my work to stockpile capital for themselves and laundry mob money."

Damn, this was really going to be a disclosure kind of story more than an amusing one at Wrath expenses... Just what he said he wanted… hooray...

"But why steal Bradley's car and not your father's?"

"When I went to argue with  my father, after I found out about the money, he was in his office with Bradley. I knew they were friends but at that moment everything just clicked, where all that dirty money I just figured out existed was coming from. So I confronted them."

"Really? just like that. You went to King Bradley and confronted him to his face about his corruption?"

Ling winced.

"Not really, that's not really my style. I was subtle but they both knew what I was talking about. Bradley gave me this speech about 'how the real world works' and I just snapped." Finally, Ling put on a smile, but it was tight. Greed could see his fingers so tense around the wheel they were becoming white. "When he was done politely threatening me, I was already putting together a plan to give all of their money away and run. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted him to know it was also a personal fuck you to him, not only because it was the right thing to do, but because I hate him and everything he represents. So I stole his keys when he went for a handshake after. The asshole actually had the confidence of wanting to shake my hand after that!" He laughed a dry laugh, and, honestly, it was one of the worst sounds Greed had ever heard. "Anyway, for some reason, his motivations on screwing people over were what got me most. More than my father quietly agreeing and nodding along with him threatening my life."

"That's pretty fucked up."

Fuck he wanted to change the subject so much.

"You don't have to tell me that"

"Anyway, I'm positive you got to him good with the car thing."

Ling gave him a skeptical look for a moment before going back to watching the road.

"Yeah, right. You know, I am aware it was a foolish childish stunt, I was just really caught up with the whole thing okay?"

"I'm serious! I told you he saw us run away yesterday. You should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless! I thought it was because of my so-called treason but this actually makes even more sense. Imagine it, from his point of view, the two of us stealing his money and car. He must be getting insane trying to figure out how did we meet."

Ling’s laugh finally sounded genuine and Greed felt a lot more proud than he would have ever admitted because of it.

"Oh my God, you're right! You’re totally right! This doesn't make any sense from his angle! This is perfect! Oh, I would have loved to see the look on his face."

Greed smiled and leaned back on his seat, satisfied.

“Yeah, it was really a picture I waited my entire life to see.”

The silence that followed as they moved forward on the open road was a companionable one.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The days went on, one similar to the next.

They would wake up, find a place to have breakfast, drive on a random direction between North, West and South (never the one opposite of the day before and never East, where they came from), stop for lunch, drive again, find a motel, sneak Ling in from the window, eat takeaway dinner, share a bed. And all again from the top.  


Greed had been prepared to certain levels of boredom when he planned about running away, especially during the first few weeks, when he knew he would always need to keep moving around.

It was strange to find out that the boredom never came.

They instead settled into a sense of familiarity, where they started to understand the other’s patterns and habits along their own, in the brand new situation they were finding themselves in.

Greed noticed also the… let’s say peculiar… way they both behaved in relation to each other.

Ling was a pest in every way possible, but only really argued when he thought Greed was making a mistake that could bring them to get caught. Other than that, he only moderately complained, always looking amused, at any of his decisions regarding Ling’s status as a hostage (that any other sane person would have a problem about) like his adamancy on not letting him free while Greed was sleeping or not leaving him alone in the car. Those, if Greed was being honest with himself, were actually the two things that kept that whole situation from being pretty much the road trip Ling was still blabbing about.  
  
Okay, no, those and the fact that they were still doing the whole ‘making Ling sneak in from the window and share the one bed in the room’ thing.

(‘Not a very roadtrip-y thing to do’ had said Ling once while climbing up a second-floor room suspiciously but unsurprisingly well.)

The reasons of the whole window ordeal were numerous and they had nothing to do with the fact that every morning Greed would wake up lying on his back with a different part of Ling's body settled over his chest.

Obviously.

That wasn’t it at all.

At first, it was evidently because Ling didn’t have a fake ID.

After almost a week, they finally managed to call Greed’s contacts and find a guy that could provide him with one.

But even then they couldn’t use it for that particular function.

It was so obviously not of the same quality of Greed’s own so they, without a doubt, couldn’t present them both at a motel’s front desk.

They wouldn’t want to draw any dangerous attention by using a second-rate fake ID after all!

Also, it was better only using one, because if Bradley was still trying to get to them he would search for two people with their descriptions, not just one.

So, see? They were totally valid reasons to have to keep sharing a single room (and by coincidence the same bed) even if they had used both their IDs at the same time in other occasions… but that was totally something else, an entire different matter because… it was obvious why, no need to even bring that up...

Anyway, Ling seemed to be of the same idea, because every time Greed had used one of these excuses... (no, not excuses, totally valid reasons), every time Greed had given these totally valid reasons he had nodded along, smiling like they were sharing a secret (which, again, they weren’t). One time he had even winked at him before walking away to search for the right window to climb in.

Greed had found himself taking a moment enjoying watching him go.

Fuck. Why did he have to be this… insufferable?

He was a brat, a pest and Greed needed to remember that the whole situation wasn’t something he wanted. He was stuck with Ling, it wasn’t like he was glad he wasn’t alone or, even more untrue, he appreciated Ling’s company in particular.

What a laughable idea. Looking at Ling every day more. Doing things to make him happy. Giving in on most of the day to day decisions like when and where to eat. Those were things Greed did for his own sake. He was obviously trying to understand what was that made the brat smile for real and when, instead, he was doing that silly grin he obviously used to get what he wanted from people. And that wasn’t to Ling’s sake either, obviously Greed was trying to study him to make sure the kid didn’t pull a fast one on him.

That was all.

He couldn’t trust Ling.

The moment he’d see an opening, a real one, he would use it to his advantage. Steal the money, the car and run.

They weren’t on the same side. No one was. Didn’t matter how many people were in the car with him, day after day. He was completely alone.

“Stop pouting about whatever you’re pouting and help me out.”

Ling was knocking on the window looking mildly annoyed that he hadn’t been able to open it from the outside like he could most of the times (how, Greed had no idea).

He unlocked it but didn’t open it, choosing instead to watch him do it from the outside (hell, even following his every action he couldn’t get the trick), because he felt like he needed an appropriate answer to the pouting comment (he wasn’t pouting, he was brooding, it was a entirely different vibe), and making him struggle was a good one, and because he wanted to enjoy the show, since it was fascinating how much not a struggle the action was for Ling.  


They had already eaten because for some reason he gave in on the idiot's request of eating out for once, so, with the brat safely inside (was it luck or was he just that good at climbing in that they had never been caught?) Greed started to go through his bag, to search for his pack of smokes. He didn’t like to smoke inside the car so he could only do it during breaks or when they were adjusting in their new rooms in the motels (he was a criminal, after all, those not smoking inside signs could go fuck themselves).

He didn’t find them. But he found Ling’s little orange bottle of pills, for his diabetes thing, instead.

Oh, so it was the brat’s bag.

He was about to yell at the pest to not mix up their stuff when he noticed something.

Fuck. There were not more than six pills inside the bottle. He looked up at the kid, that was now closing the window, giving Greed his back. He did the same, not wanting to be seen.

Did this mean that Ling had only a few days of medicine left? He tried to think back at the conversation they had that first day. Greed thought he remembered something about two pills a day, he was almost positive he saw him take them only in the morning and in the evening. Did that mean he only had two or three days left? He went through the bag again, looking for a second bottle somewhere. Ling couldn't’ be so stupid to run away with only one bottle of medication. Come on, he was a smart kid. ‘That didn’t know he would be running away mere hours before going and stealing billions of dollars from King Bradley’ supplied a little voice inside him.

Fuck.

Of course, he didn’t find any more pills.

Why did everything need to be so complicated?

He did find a prescription with Ling’s name on it, though. Exactly the perfect thing a person running from the police needed…

Yeah, shit, things like this were precisely how people get caught.

This could change everything. Greed needed to think long and hard about what to do next. He pocketed the prescription and turned around to see if Ling had caught him in the act.

 

He hadn’t, but every thought about diabetes and medications went out the window when he saw what the kid was doing instead.

Ling was near the table next to the door, Greed’s bag open in front of him, with the gun in his hands.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Well fuck!

He actually fell for it, didn’t he.

He actually let himself believe that Ling would only betray him if they got into a situation where they were both forced into a corner. Greed had actually believed him. He had put his guard down.

Now, best case scenario he would have to get that gun back, take everything and run, leaving Ling behind, probably cuffed somewhere until he would be found by a cleaning lady or something. It would give Greed enough time to get the fuck out of there, maybe.

He didn’t want that. Not after actually believing for a second that…

Nope. Not thinking about that.

That was the best case scenario. He needed to get the gun back!

Ling was still not looking at him when he started talking.

“You know, I’ve never understood people fascination for these things. Like, I don’t get it. If we were in a movie right now this would be the scene were I’d say to you something like ‘teach me how to use it’, and that would be the moment we finally get closer, because what can get two people finally together if not a fucking gun right? What the hell, man. Fucking Hollywood.”

Greed in the middle of the speech finally noticed how Ling wasn't actually pointing the gun at anything, least of all him. He was just holding it, as if to try to understand it, or understand the fascination some people have of it, judging from his little speech.

Greed ventured a response, low and deliberate, as if talking to a wild animal.

“I’m not carrying it for the appeal, kid.”

Ling finally looked at him (but didn’t raise the gun).

“Yeah, no I get that. It’s just, we talked and drove and run together for days but it’s a fucking gun that does it? I can totally see the scene in my mind! Us, in the woods, cans and bottles as target practice. I can’t get the grip right so you put your hands on mine from behind me…”

Ling huffed a laugh.

“Okay, yeah, sure. Scratch everything I just said. I totally get the appeal now.” He put the gun back in the bag, dismissing it completely. “It’s just, we could do the same with you teaching me fucking minigolf, that's all I’m saying.”

Oh wow.

The kid had never even thought about using it. He just looked at the gun and didn’t see a way of screwing Greed over, he saw a way to lecture the room about anti-gun politics and Hollywood clichés and maybe only tease him a little.

While Greed sat there being puzzled,  Ling crossed the room, leaving bag and gun behind and went to sit next to him, casually handing him his pack of cigarettes and the lighter. “Using a mini golf club on Bradley’s head would be a lot more satisfying than a boring gun anyway.”

Yeah, that was Ling alright.

He wasn’t one of those people who would never do something like using someone, or run away with the money because so good and kind. In fact, Ling was actually a dangerous little fucker, sly and calculating, but alone in the room with Greed he saw a gun and didn’t think about using it to steal from him and run.

Because they were (for the time being) on the same side, maybe?

Wasn’t this quite something?

(It was exactly what Ling had been saying since day one.)

“So you think you’ll be able to have the upper hand against the de facto leader of the biggest mob family of the country and mayor of the capital with a mini golf club?”

“Only if you teach me how to use it the right way”

Greed laughed. “Damn kid, you really have a three-track mind.”

"Not one?"

“I would never leave out your food obsession or your socialist tendencies.”

Ling laughed delighted as Greed lighted a cigarette, opened the windows once again and went back to sitting next to him on the bed, and next to the half finished soda can he used as ashtray (because he was a gentleman).

“Those things will be the death of you, you know?”

“You’ll be the death of me, pest.”

“What did I do now?”

"What did you do? You came at me with a fucking gun!"

Ling looked genuinely perplexed. Don't get him wrong, Greed was painfully aware that the kid was an extremely skillful liar, but he usually was a talkative one. Meaning he had the tendency to slightly over-talk when bullshitting or trying to get something from someone. Right now Ling was just watching him, blinking a couple of times. Before going back to laughing.

"You thought......You... me...That I..."

"Shut up"

"Seriously?"

"Shut up you little pest!" Greed felt his cheeks get hot, but not from anger.

Ling sobered and looked at him seriously, even putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Greed. Were you scared of me? You can tell me"

"Oh fuck you!"

"That's what I'm trying to get you to do!"

He was. So. Irritating.

“Don’t be a smartass”

"Okay, sure! My ass will be whatever you want it to be."

So. Irritating.

"What did I just s..."

Greed couldn’t finish his sentence because a leaping Ling all but jumped him, pushing him until his back was against the bed and his hands were over his head, pinned down.

"I just decided I don't want to wait anymore... Or do you really need a Hollywood 'gun in the woods' scene for us to get into it?"

Greed grinned and Ling, seated astride on his stomach, finally reached down and kissed him.

It ... didn't last long. He didn't even have the time to enjoy it.

Ling drew back after maybe a second, making a face.

Rude.

"You taste like ashes."

Greed smirked up at him.

"It's you that decided to do this while I was smoking." With some effort, Greed managed to sit up again, with Ling still wrapped around him. The kid was strong but also a little on the skinny side, not impossible to push up. He went to put out the cigarette on the ashtray (honestly, it was just reckless on Ling's part not waiting for him to finish it, Greed had no intention of burning to death), then rolled over leaving them in the same positions as before but reversed.

"You sure this is what you want, kid? You're not just doing it to get me to let you go? Because I'm telling you, I'm very much not into that, I'm not that kind of guy."

Ling seemed to have made himself comfortable, pinned there, hands kept over his head by Greed's own, and just laughed at him. "Greed, honestly, for the last time, if my intent at any moment had been getting away from you I would have found a way the very first day."

Fair enough. Greed had learned times and times again not to underestimate the guy.

He was about to say so, moving closer, when Ling went on.

"But..."

Greed pulled back a little.

"If you still aren't sure, you should check my pocket, just to ease your mind."

Greed let go of one of Ling's hands to check his left pants’ pocket... that was stuffed with condoms and single-dose lube packets.

What the actual fuck?

When did he even had the chance to...?

How...?

(What Greed didn't know were all the times Ling eyed those condoms in the gas stations, weighting the pros and cons of whether risking that the innocent employee would have to cover for his shoplifting with his own wages against letting Greed know what was he up to by buying the stuff. He finally made the decision on the base that 'if they knew how Greed looked in his boxers they would understand... and maybe even voluntary fund his plan')

"Oh yeah, my bad, I meant the other pocket!"

That's where Greed found the fucking handcuffs. This was maybe even more confusing. He looked down at Ling again, puzzled.

"I can't just lie here and say I haven't been thinking about this from the very first night, even I am not that much of a bullshitter. Also, this way you don't need to be afraid of me anymore... I know how intimidating I can be, 'Hot armed chicken'"

"Oh you're going to regret saying that." He tilted back once again to put the cuffs next to the ashtray (they'll have fun with these later), freeing Ling's hand in the process. Ling was quick and, somehow, with Greed still on top of him, took his chance taking off his two-dollars worth t-shirt he bought their second day on the road.

"Then go on and do it!"

Greed looked back down, meeting Ling's eager eyes. He took his time taking off his own jacket and shirt, and freeing Ling's hair from the almost always present ponytail while the brat, to his credit, squirmed only a little bit. Pinning once again Ling's hands down with one of his, he let himself enjoy the view.

"Your enthusiasm is certainly appealing." He leaned forward. "But let's see if your stomach matches your appetite." He cupped Ling's face with his free hand and kissed him, greedily.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

By the time they finally went to sleep the cuffs had been tossed aside... Somewhere. Greed told himself it was just laziness that stopped him from searching for them to be sure Ling wouldn't run.

It was easier to think that way.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The next morning Greed walked out of the room alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit late but this chapter is a long one (and I had to rewrite it from scratch a couple of times)  
> Please enjoy!

 

Ling woke up with the sound of keys rattling outside the door.

No. Not woke up. He refused to be woken up today. Today was a no-wake up kind of day, he decided, still sleeping because he wasn’t going to get woken up.

When the fucking thing opened he felt the sun on his face and winched, rolling over on his belly to escape. Why was Greed even opening the door? From the outside? Why was he making so much noise fumbling around in his bag?

He decided that 'who the fuck cares' and ' they would be mysteries awake-Ling would love to solve all by himself' were the appropriate answers to those questions, also awake-Ling would have to be tomorrow-Ling because, as already said, this was a no-wake up day. He put a pillow over his head pressing it down with both hands.

And that's when he noticed that both his hands were free.

Fuck, did this mean he had to wake up and figure out what was going on?

It did, didn't it?

Why was everything so horrible!

He ventured a few inches outside the cover of the pillow and opened an eye. Greed was sitting at the table, paper cup filled with what smelled like coffee in hand, looking down at his bag by his feet, lost in thoughts. When Ling noticed a second cup on the table he finally woke up enough to remember.

He had sex with Greed! Even only thinking that sentence made him hear a celebratory trumpet fanfare in his head.

They actually did that! (Even more celebratory trumpet fanfare) And it had been awesome.

And now, Greed had actually gone out and…

This was hilarious and Ling, once again, found himself wanting to be a little shit more than anything, even sleeping in, which was crazy! If you would have asked him before this whole charade he wouldn't have believed it! This was really a 'life changing/learning who he truly was' kind of road trip! (If you'd asked any person in his life they would have answered that yeah, the whole 'needed to be a little shit in every situation' was a pretty accurate description, so it really was news only to him)

Anyway, he was now awake enough to get on Greed’s nerves, which was his new favorite activity. Except for the sex he had with the guy (mandatory celebratory trumpet fanfare).

But first, he needed a new nickname. ‘Hot armed not-a-stranger-anymore’ wouldn’t cut it anymore… ‘Hot armed hookup’? ‘Hot armed hitchhiker with benefits’?

Both?

Both.

Both is good.

(Damn, he missed his phone)

"Awww, 'Hot armed hookup', we had sex”(mandatory celebratory trumpet fanfare) “once and you already bring me coffee in bed? Aren't you a sweetheart, ‘Hot armed hitchhiker with benefits’!"

Greed looked up at him, first slightly startled (what was that about?) then actually irritated. Finally. It was a good look on him. (Ling should have an introspection and figure out why he found riling Greed up so damn hot.)

Now fully awake he actually sat up and waited for Greed to figure out a good reply. (Honestly though, the banter could very much be even more effective than the coffee waiting for him on the table.)

He didn’t get a response.

Instead, Greed just looked at him and drank all of his coffee in one go, only to then, slowly, keeping eye contact, pick up the other cup and drink that too.

Ling laughed so much he fell down the bed, only barely managing to spit out a “touché”.

It was such a power-move™ he decided to be nice for once and not mention the obvious tongue burn it had caused. Poor guy. Ling did appreciate the theatrics of it. You could say a lot of things about Greed but not that the guy wasn’t committed to the drama. What an incredible quality to have!

When he finally composed himself and untangled himself from the trap the sheets he had fallen with had become, he seated cross-legged over the pile formed, only a few feet from Greed, who seemed to feel better.

Okay then, it was finally time to try to solve those mysteries that asshole of past-Ling had left him with.

“Why were you out anyway?”

“I had shit to do.”

“What kind of shit?”

Greed shrugged, excessively, like if he was trying too much to hide something and be cool about it.

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“And you left me here, alone, unsupervised, because you needed to do this ‘nothing’? Awww, you *are* sweet, then! You trust me!”

“I had the car with me. You wouldn’t have gone far anyway”

“Still! I could have hitched a ride or something! Admit it! You trust me!”

“I trust the fact that you’d wake up at noon if left to your own devices!”

“Naaa, you trust me, ‘Hot armed hookup’! And you can’t say no to me, and my adorable face.”

“Ah, the only face I can’t say no to is my own!”

“What a weird yet relatable thing to say! I also cannot seem to be able to say no to your face! We sure are adorable together, aren’t we?”

“I cannot stand you, I actually can’t. And, yet again, I need to make it clear that I do not trust you!”

“Is this one of those times when we pretend that we both don't know that you're lying?”

“I do not lie!”

“Oh, it is! Okay, yeah no, sure, everything you say ‘Hot armed sweetheart’, can we please make out now?”

Ling reached up, grabbed Greed’s hand and tried to pull Greed down and make him fall on the sheet nest on the floor with him.

Greed let him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They had a generous breakfast at the diner next to their motel, where Ling finally got his own coffee. As he drank it he remembered just how different the two of them liked it, Ling full of milk and stevia or any other sugar substitute he could get his hands on and Greed black (like his soul, Ling liked to add every time they ordered. Damn he really missed his phone). Which meant Greed actually bottomed up not only a really hot coffee to make a point but one he would hate the taste of in a normal situation too.

His respect for the man was growing by the second.

 

Ling took a big bite of his omelette and decided to ask the question that had been in his mind for the last four days or so.

“Hey Greed...”

“Hmh”

“When do you think we could actually… relax a bit and maybe stay a few nights in the same place?”

Greed put his knife and fork down and sighed, leaving those delicious looking pancakes alone for a bit.

Fool.

“Do you want to stop?” Okay, no time for jokes, Greed had his serious face on.

“What?”

“You heard me, kid. Do you want to stop running? Are you ready to go home?”

Ling felt hot rage crawl through his spine. He slammed his hand on the table making a few people turn around.

Greed just looked at him and Ling knew what he was thinking. They should keep it down, not raise attention, they were in the middle of nowhere but they still needed to pass by, not being noticed, and this was the exact opposite of that.

But damn it, he was angry.

“How dare you ask me that? You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Do I? Look at you, a handsome charismatic young man, you must have loads of friends. Don’t you miss them?”

“Of course I miss them, you asshole!” Who would be more likely to punch him in the face if they knew what he did, Lan Fan or Ed? Would Ling be able to survive Al’s sad and disappointed face when he realized he had run away? For how many hours would Winry scream at him when she learned he managed to kill the car she helped him steal after less than five hours? “Of course I miss them!"

“Then what’s stopping you?”

What an asshole!

“Am I not your hostage? Kidnapee? Whatever?”

Greed leaned back on his seat and arched an eyebrow.

“What is *really* stopping you, other than not wanting to be like your dear old daddy?”

“Your dear old brother killing me?”

“You could go to the cops, like I said you’d do for weeks!”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure Mayor King Bradley has no connections with the police! Come on, Greed, don’t do this, you know I’m right.”

“Well, it happens that I know a couple of those that surely are not working for him.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes, this one, he’s a shrimp and a pain in the ass, he tried to arrest me a couple of times… it didn’t stick...”

“I can see that”

“Anyway, you could find a way to not go to jail and return to your upper class life. I could contact this guy, he won’t do it as a favor for me, obviously. He’s just one of those moral people who would help you just because ‘it’s the right thing to do’. It’s a way to not get killed in a legal way.”

What the fuck was he saying? The only way he could do that was if he pinned everything he did these past weeks on Greed.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“First of all, yes. Yes, I am, always and forever. You’re just that annoying. Second, I’m just trying…”

“You’re just trying to get in my business. Thank you, but no thank you. This is my Plan A and I have every intention to stick to it until it’s…”

“What? Too, late?”

“Shut the hell up, I know what I’m doing!”

Ling finished his omelette in one bite, took out a pill and swallowed it down with the rest of his coffee. Greed followed him suit when he stood up, leaving half his pancakes and some money behind.

“Yeah, you clearly do.”

 

When they got back into the car Greed spoke again.

“We can slow down a bit if you want to.”

Ling started the car and considered keeping on sulking. Once again, it wasn’t like Greed didn’t have any reason to doubt him, and hell, he did just say he would actually help him contact an uncorrupted cop (not that Ling needed one, if he had wanted to go there as plan A he would have asked Ed).

He sighed.

“Naaah, I was just saying…And you had to be an asshole about it. It wasn’t even about that!”

“What was it about then?”

Ling thought about it. Yeah, he needed to lighten up.

“You need to understand, ‘Hot armed pumpkin’, that I’m a millennial tragically separated from my phone… and internet… and memes. Oh my God, what if some new meme has come out and someone makes a reference to me and I don’t get it! It would be a nightmare! This can’t be happening!”

“Who would?”

“I DON’T KNOW?! Anyone!”

“Why would someo… You know what? Okay, you win! Pull over and I’ll drive.”

“How can it help with my memes problem?”

“Just do it, goddammit!”

Ling was skeptical but obliged.

When they switched, Greed did the unimaginable!

The thing!

That perfect thing!

The thing he didn’t dare imagine possible in all of his wild dreams.

‘Hot armed probably the person he was going to marry after this act’ took his burner (that had wisely been unused until now) and, after a few moments of hesitation, he gave it to Ling.

Who was speechless.

For maybe the first time in his life.

Utterly speechless.

“Understand this, you little pissant, you take advantage of this situation I’ll hunt you down like a dog... if I’m not in jail... “ He paused and looked at Ling, thinking it over. “Or you’re not in jail”

Say thank you and take it.

Say thank you and take it.

Say thank you and take it.

Okay it's a burner, but it's a somewhat smartphone and it’s the first contact with technology you have in weeks, Ling Yao, for once in your life don’t be a smart ass, just say thank you and take it!

“You afraid if you give me a phone I’ll use it against you, ‘Hot armed Chicken’?”

Ling Yao for fuck’s sake.

  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It turned out there’s not much to do with a phone if you’re not able to log in any of your apps, (of course, that would be so incredibly and stupidly risky, and not in a fun way) so he quickly regressed to his usual favorite activity, only with props.

“ _You get pulled over for speeding. What do you do? A. Start yelling in the cop's face. You'll have his badge! B. Flirt your way out. Why hell-ooo, officer. C. Pay the ticket._ It’s B, right? Yeah, I think it’s B for you...”

Annoying the living shit out of Greed.

“What kind of question are even these?”

“I told you! It’s a personality test! Kind of like the Buzzfeed ones!”

“Yeah, but about what?”

“Don’t you worry about it!” He moved his hand as if shushing away a fly. “Oh yes, this one is fun! _You get a big bonus at work. What do you spend it on? A. A spa day, because I am amazing and I deserve it. B. Something I saw a friend using/wearing, that I want. C. Lingerie._ Yeah no, I’m going to have to decide for this one too, it has to be lingerie! I need it to be lingerie!”

Greed gave him a light shove with one hand but surprisingly and very very very interestingly he didn’t deny anything. My God, he didn’t deny anything!

“It seems to me you’re actually answering all of them.”

“Yeah but as you! I’m really curious about the result you're going to get, let me tell you.”

He went on for a while... sometimes even letting Greed answer the questions.

“How many questions does this fucking quiz have? Are you making this shit up? Is this because of what I said in the diner? I’m sorry okay, were you aiming at that?”

“29, and no! I forgave you, I’m just really curious about this, aren’t you invested?”

“I don’t even know what the test is about! Is it about that Harry Potter sorting ordeal?”

What?

“What? You’ve read Harry Potter?”

“Hey, I was 13 when the first came out, of course I’ve read it! Everyone my age did!”

“We so need to have a conversation about that! But, no it’s not a Sorting Hat test. Now answer! Actually no, I think I know this one, it’s _E._ right? _Look in the mirror at my glorious self._ ”

“I sure am glorious.”

“Yes, you are. Awww, wait wait, this one’s cute! _Choose a pet: A. Snake B. Dog C. Lizard D. Cow E. Lion D. Gorilla._ Man, some of these are weird animals to have as pets...”

Greed sighed and thought it over, like if that was the most important and difficult decision he ever had to make, and maybe it was because he just replied: “All of them!”

“Hey, That’s an answer too! Exclamation point and all! Don't make that face, I could practically taste your exclamation point.”

"God...”

“Okay, this one’s easy, I think it’s safe to say you do _get on fights with people you barely know._ ”

“Maybe not.”

“From my experience you get angry rather easily.”

“Eh, it’s probably just you. You are infuriating.”

“Yeah, I kind of am, aren’t I? It seems to be a common trait among my friends, maybe it is just me.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I’ve already clicked sooo. Okay, results...Holy shit!”

Holy shit, indeed.

“What is it?”

Oh, the sweet sweet revenge!

Finally, Ling could feel its taste.

He smiled, all polite and innocent, and used the fakest, phoniest and falsely honest voice he had.

“So I was curious...”

"..."

Yeah, Greed could tell something was up.

“...and I decided to make you do this test…”

“...”

Okay this was it.

“ ...‘Which Deadly Sin are you?’”

It took a second for Greed to realize what he just said.

And its implications.

“You. Did. What.”

Man, he could be such an asshole sometimes, he was self-aware enough to admit it to himself.

“I wanted to see if you lived up to your name!”

Oh shit, Greed’s face!

Yes, what a time to be alive.

Greed’s face... It was… everything he ever hoped for.

“Wait until…” He couldn't do it anymore, after minutes of setting up this thing he finally busted up laughing “you hear what you got!”

“This is it! Give me the phone, now. You will never see it again.”

“But wait wait wait Greed!” Ling could barely breathe from how hard he was laughing. Greed meanwhile had pulled over and was now trying to take the phone back. Ling tried to wrestle himself out of reach, taking the seat belt off and wiggling his way into the back seats. But he still wasn’t completely safe.

“Wait… Greed”

He put the hand with the phone way in the back of the car while Greed was still wrestling him.

“Hot…”

He had taken his own seat belt off. And was coming for him.

“...Armed…”

Ling kept trying to escape but Greed seemed on a mission, getting in the back with him while still trying to get the phone.

Damn, his hands seemed to be everywhere.

“...Babe…”

At this point, it was a miracle he was able to speak through the laughter.

“...Look!”

Greed was finally on top of him lying on the back seats and Ling shoved the phone in his face, letting him see the result.

“You’re Wrath!”

A beat.

“You’re dead!”

And people said he was crazy because he associated irritating someone with sex.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When they stopped again, it was late in the morning and Greed was still the one driving.

They had put on some music after Ling’s attempts at making conversation had been cruelly killed. Maybe he should have not kept talking about the test and about how Ling had been sure that the result should have been Pride, but every angry ‘shut up’ was soon followed by an amused smirk so it wasn’t like Ling would ever really stop.

Greed pulled up at a gas station after a while and Ling looked at him confused, they still had plenty of gas left and it was still early for lunch (not that Ling would complain if they’d stopped to eat).

“I’m going to hit the head and buy some smokes, do you want anything?”

He didn’t phrase it like a question but more like something people say, in fact he didn’t even wait for a response before going for the door handle.

After a moment he froze and looked back at him.

Oh yeah.

That.

Ling knew exactly what was going on in his head.

Those had been the times were he usually either told Ling to go wait for him at the bar or cuffed him to the door to make sure he didn't steal the car. Ling was actually able to see the wheels turning inside his head, probably trying to choose what to do. His other hand went instinctively to his pocket were Ling knew he kept the cuffs.

In some way, Ling felt for the guy, how can you tell to a person you just had sex with to stay put, cuffed to the door without sounding like a complete asshole?

Just the fact that he was this conflicted about this told Ling how much things were changing, other than the fact that he did leave him alone asleep and uncuffed when he went to do whatever he had to do that morning.

Yeah, it was enough for now, and Ling sure had gotten his revenge for the diner thing earlier already so he decided to help him out… for now.

“You know, I’m actually hungry, I think I’ll come too and get some breakfast.”

Greed looked at him.

Yeah, he was guessing what was going on. He took his hand out of his pocket and let out a barely hearable sigh of relief. When they exited the car they were back into the roles they were playing, both pretending the conversation didn’t have the meaning it had.

“You’ve already ate breakfast today.”

“Second breakfast then”

“What are you? A hobbit?”

“If it means you’re Viggo Mortensen, yes! Yes, sure, I am! Please!”

“Aren’t you a little tall for a hobbit?”

Wow.

“Greed! Greed, oh my God, Greed, Hot armed Nerd, did you just quote Star Wars?”

“As if you need to be a nerd to know Star Wars, come on! And, anyway I’m way better than Viggo Mortensen!”

“Oh buddy, honey, sweetheart, you’re hot as hell but don’t say blasphemies. Also, it's mathematically proven that I'm twice as tall as a hobbit!”

"Oh yeah, mathematically."

"Yes, think about it! Hobbits are called Halflings everywhere except in Tolkien, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"They are Half-Lings"

Greed shoved him away.

Yeah, things were good.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

From then on, they kept doing things that way.

Ling wouldn't be left alone in the car or its proximity, but always (officially) by his own accord and the only other night since then, they had also had been… let’s say otherwise occupied to worry about such things. And in those two days the cuffs had only been used in recreational activities.

Yes, okay? He knew it was neither the most original nor the healthiest thing, given that Greed had been actually, not playfully, using them on him every day since he knew him, but screw you! He would like to see any of you in his situation, with that piece of man on top of him tying him to the headboard just to move away and lay by his side afterward night after night after night for weeks. Now that he actually was having sex with the guy (yes, the mandatory celebratory trumpet fanfare was still playing in his head every time he thought about it) Ling needed to indulge in a few whims, scratch a few itches, okay?!

 

Anyway, that wasn’t the point. The point was that they had this understanding, so they didn’t need to decide what the hell was going on between them (not in the ‘what are we?’ way but more in the ‘am I still your hostage in any conceivable way?’ way).

All things considered, it wasn’t like Ling didn’t feel a little more trust coming his way, though.

For one, there had been the phone thing, that, if you think about it, had been pretty huge.

Then, the fact that the next afternoon he actually drove for more than two hours with Greed sleeping in the backseat. That would never have happened two days prior, even with them getting along and all. And Ling new it wasn’t because of the sex (mandatory celebratory trumpet fanfare), or maybe not just because of the sex (mandatory celebratory trumpet fanfare), it was because of the gun (but not in the way Hollywood wanted to, thankfully). Greed relaxed a little bit because he saw how uninterested Ling was on turning on him when given the chance.

To be honest, Ling would love to say, at least to himself, that it had been planned, to make him drop his guard, but that had been one of the few times he actually genuinely hadn’t thought about schemes and strategies.

Anyway, all his schemes were headed to avoid Bradley, fake innocence if caught by the police and plotting against his father and his mob friends so it wasn’t like he would have done anything different anyway.

 

Also, every single one of these things was nothing compared to the only real problem Ling was going to have to face.

Soon.

The day after the whole diner and phone thing Ling was in the bathroom of the random motel of the day, looking down at the empty orange bottle in his left hand and the last pill in his right. Fuck, he was almost out of meds, he only had that one single dose and the five he kept in his wallet for emergencies. He would have to talk to Greed about it sooner rather than later.

He took the pill and got in the shower trying to focus on the problem at hand.

Ling did have a prescription to get more, somewhere, but it wasn’t like he could go to the drug store and wave it around with his name on it while running from the cops. Even more so if Bradley knew they were together. Even even more so because Greed had actually escaped from a shooting when they met, if Bradley hadn’t been implicated he could use that to have the police resources to track them down.

But he needed his meds, and he wasn’t sure he could ask Greed to risk that much for them. This could mean he may be forced to actually leave him and go on on his own. He did not want to do that. At all! But it wasn’t like he could just stop taking them.

He stopped the shower.

Fuck.

He hated this.

He needed at least to try to talk to Greed about it, right?

He angrily dried himself and started to get dress. He may have been stuck inside his own head a little too much until then, because that’s when he heard voices coming from inside the room, and they didn’t seem to come from the TV.

He could make out the words but it sure seemed like Greed was talking to someone, inside the room. Ling put his hear on the door, trying to listen in.

“...ell, well, if it isn’t the smallest officer in Force.” Greed didn’t seem much alarmed, or maybe he was just putting out a front.

“Where is he?”

That voice! Was that…?

“Who? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Greed. Where is Ling, Ling Yao? Why did you kidnap him? His father’s money? Why haven’t you made a ransom request, it’s been almost three weeks!”

Ed!!!

Ed was in their motel room!

Oh fuck. He wasn’t just Ed, his former college roommate, but Police Officer Edward Elric.

Well, shit.

Friends or not, Ed was a cop and this wasn’t good.

Ling needed to weigh his options here.

Come on, think! What were his options?

He could do one of two things.

He could run, there was a little window, maybe big enough for him to squint through, he had his bag in there, he could actually make it!

Or he could go in there and play the victim of kidnapping card, as he had planned from the very first day. It wouldn’t be hard, Ed seemed already set on accusing Greed of just that.

Going away now would mean he actually would have to run for a long time, no more scapegoating, no more small chance he could actually go back (to his friends NOT to his father or his job), it would actually be a goodbye to all parts of his old life.

But if he stayed and did as planned, Greed would actually have a rock solid kidnapping case against him. He would go to jail for a long time, hell, maybe with the same criminals he tried to betray.

Okay, it wasn’t that difficult of a decision after all. That’s what confused Ling the most. It wasn’t complicated, he had started to notice it right away, since that first day three weeks ago. At first, it had felt sorrow at the thought of betraying Greed but after a while it had been more.

He just couldn’t do it.

Oh, well. You learn new things about yourself everyday, he guessed.

It wasn’t like he had time to think much more. It was simple. He couldn’t betray Greed so he needed to run.

Now.

He went on dressing, as stealthy as he could, and looked around to see if there was anything he could scavenger in there. Nope. There he was. He was actually very lucky to have one of the bags with some of the money in it, really.

So he needed to move now. The shirt could wait until after he was long gone.

Just one more quick pry at what was going on. Listening to their voices one more time.  


He couldn’t believe he was saying goodbye both to this adventure and to his old life at the same time. It wasn’t fair.

And Greed and Ed were just a few steps over there!

Ed…

How did Ed find them, anyway?

“How did you find me?”

Exactly. Thanks Greed!

“I… had a BOLO out for Ling… I… shouldn’t have done that, it’s not exactly protocol, but I was worried… Anyway, yesterday morning I got an alert because someone used his name for a prescription of Metformin and imagine my surprise when I saw notorious mobster Greed Flask walking into the drug store on the security cameras.”

Wait, what?

“Oh, yeah. I did fuck up doing that, didn’t I? ”

Yesterday morning was when...

“But it doesn’t make any sense! Why would you wait to ask for ransom if you had only three weeks of his meds?”

“Hey I didn’t ask any ransom because I didn’t kidnap anyone, you still only have a security camera footage of what? Me in a drug store? It’s hardly rock solid proof”

It was when Greed had gone out on his own, did he actually do something that reckless...

“You weren’t stupid enough to park were the outside camera was, but guess what, asshole, there was a camera of a hotel were you did park, welcome to 1984! I found out your car’s plate and your new ID, but I don’t care about that! I want to know. Where. Is. Ling.”

“It’s not like my answer is ever going to change, you know?”

“Is he… Is he okay?”

“Ahh, come on, don’t make that face. I met a kid that asked me to buy him his meds. It was probably that Ling guy, I’m sure he’s fine.”

What a goddamn idiot!

“Do you think I’m stupid? Tell me!”

Stupid and idiotic!

"Can you please stop pointing that thing at me? I am alone and my hands are empty"

Asshole. Moron.

“Well maybe you can use them to keep this shot from ripping over your chest if you don’t tell me where he is!"

 

Ling entered the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This is the test Ling did. ](https://www.quizony.com/which-deadly-sin-are-you/1.html)  
> I didn't change it that much except for the animals question, obvs. I tried to do it as Ling and Greed would and the result was Wrath (I was also, like Ling, sure he would get Pride with all those "I'm beautiful and glorious" answers but hey).
> 
> Anyway, I'm sorry to say this is almost the end of this story, which blows because it's really fun to write!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays!  
> Enjoy!

Greed was sitting there trying to not get shot by that runt of a cop, that was full into framing him for Ling’s kidnapping (yes, yes, he was aware that it isn’t framing if he’d done it, but seriously he hadn’t thought of this as a real kidnapping since… like an hour after meeting the brat) when the bathroom door opened.

Oh yes, that was it.

The infamous 'I need to save my own skin' moment of the 'I won't betray you to the cops unless they get to us and I need to save my own skin' understanding they had from the moment they met. 

Eh, he knew it was a possibility, even more so when he went and got those fucking meds. He had been careful but it wasn't like one could be completely sure with that sort of stuff. Now he needed to cut his losses and try to find a way to not end up in the hands of Bradley. Elric was annoying and particularly inspired at making his life more difficult but he sure wasn't a dirty cop. Maybe he could have a dialogue with him... It wasn't like Greed was scared of jail time (only of the possibility of being in prison with his recently betrayed ex-colleagues, if he needed to be honest).

Part of him was curious to see what Ling had in mind, to witness the act the kid would put on in front of the cop, a fake crying performance with tales on how horrible his weeks abducted by a horrible terrifying man had been, to enjoy the skillful way he would put on the poor-victim-of-kidnapping façade. Even if it was to rat Greed out. In these weeks Ling had been able to exceed his expectations over and over again, and he kinda wanted to see if he'd be able to do it one last time.  
  


And well, if Greed wanted to be surprised by Ling's actions one more time he sure got that alright.   
  


Ling’s entrance couldn’t have been further from expectations. He came in calm and aloof, giving out an easy vibe (that Greed could bet on his life was fake as fuck) unusual even when they were alone, without cops trying to arrest them in the room. He was shirtless, with a towel in hand, rubbing his wet hair.   
  


“Hey babe, do you mind if we…" He looked up and met eyes with Elric. "Oh hey, Ed! What are you doing here?” His tone was not only normal, like he was talking to an old friend, but even almost bored.

Needless to say that that was... not what he had anticipated.

But obviously, Ling being Ling, he was not satisfied with just that. 

After distractedly discarding the towel on the bed the kid nonchalantly walked toward him and...

What the Fuck!

… And then he fucking SAT ON HIS LAP!

Li-like it was the most normal thing in the world WHEN HE WAS CURRENTLY HELD AT GUNPOINT BY A COP! 

What the fuck!

"Did you offer our guest a drink, Hot a...honey?"

Aaaand Greed was speechless. 

Just when he thought he could predict the guy, at least a little… 

Ling seemed to have the life goal of confusing as many people as possible as many times as possible. And he was acing it, as far as Greed was involved.

A quick look at Elric told him he wasn’t the only one beyond words.

The guy was staring at them (again, seated one on top of the other!) like they were a talking dog or a giant CGI lizard or something. His gun was still in his hand but he was not aiming at them anymore, as if he’d forgotten he had it, when he put his arms down in bafflement.

Greed could understand the feeling. God if he could understand that feeling.

Before either of them could shake their confusion and shock away, Ling, all comfortable and happy on his lap, one arm over his shoulder and the other hand on his chest, started talking again.

He looked down at Elric’s gun, still smiling politely but with a more serious voice, with maybe a note of disappointment (honestly, the nerve this brat had). 

“Edward, do you mind putting that thing away? I know for a fact that you hate it as much as I do.”

That shook the guy out of his stupor. He gripped the gun tighter and raised it toward them again.

“Ling, get away from him! He’s dangerous!” 

Ling blinked at him, then turned around to face Greed and blinked again only to turn back, tilting his head slightly as if he was so confused by the very accusation that it didn't even warrant an answer.

“Ling, listen to me, he’s a criminal, a member of a mob family, I’ve met him before. He's dangerous and you, for once, need to do as I say. ”

“Yeah Ed…” Ling was talking slowly, as if Ed was a particularly dumb child (Greed remembered that speaking pattern from when they met… He really had been played for a while there, hadn’t he?) “I know he is?” He smiled “But, then again, counterpoint: he’s also a big softy. A… marshmallow in fact.”

Okay, that was it. He pushed Ling away, making him crush down on the floor with a shriek at first and then a laugh. Elric readied the gun as a response to the sudden movement but Greed ignored it.

“Can you two maybe stop talking about me like I’m not here? It’s incredibly annoying…”

“Sorry, sorry, my bad”

“And I’m no marshmallow, thank you very much! The runt’s right, I’m a big bad scary man”

“Eh, maybe you're right... I can't eat marshmallows but it's been repeatedly proven I can definitely eat y… ” Greed stopped him with a light kick, more of a poke than anything, and Ling burst out laughing once again. 

It felt weird, though. The laugh. And that’s when Greed noticed just how scared Ling was, behind his clowning and nonchalance.

Elric, that appeared to have a connection to Ling somehow, they really looked like friends (what the hell?), seemed to notice it too.

 

“Ling, is this something he told you to do? Does he have leverage on you? Does he have accomplices?” 

Fuck, once again he seemed to be actually worried about Ling! 

Messing with him was entertaining as always (railing cops up during failed busts was a hobby of his, and Elric was by far one of the most amusing), but if he really was worried over a friend it ruined the fun!

Ling seemed to be of the same idea and grew serious once again.

“Ed, what do you know?”

“What do I know? I know that you vanished out of nowhere! I wanted to file a missing person report but your father told me he knew you were okay”

Ling snorted. “I’m sure he did...”

“But I was already on high alert that first day and I checked in every way possible and I know he” he nodded at Greed “or anyone in general, didn’t ask him for a ransom.”

Ling made himself comfortable seated cross-legged on the floor a few feet from Greed, turned in a way he could watch both of them and placed perfectly between him and the cop with the gun. He leaned a little bit closer to Elric, putting the elbow on his knee.  
  


“And how did you figure I was in danger?”

"Yeah, how did you figure that his dear old daddy was lying?" Greed butted in just for sport.

“Okay! First of all: you, shut up"

Whoa, rude!

"And you, you always joke about how if you don’t answer a meme in less than an hour we can all assume you’re dead… You didn’t write in any chat group for almost a day and I... got worried!” Then he added like it was important to be said “You idiot!” and, again, Greed could relate.

“Awww, Ed! You love me!! You came here all alone against a big scary mobster because of m… Hey, why are you here alone without backup?”

Elric looked sheepish for a second.

“Well, that asshole Mustang said I...”

“Mustang is that boss of yours you always bitch about when you're drunk right?”

“The very same. He said I needed to stop harassing your father, so I couldn’t say anything to anyone when I saw him" he pointed at Greed with the gun (which whoa! Gun safety violation! And he was supposed to be the cop!) "with your prescription! And he did steal King Bradley’s car the same day of your disappearance. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together!”

Ling looked back at Greed smiling.

“He harassed my father for me! Isn’t he such a good friend?”

“Eh, the jury's still out on that one… Let’s talk again when he finally starts to harass my father… or my brother… For now, he never really got to the higher-ups of my particular fucked up family… He only harassed me...”

He was trying to stay conversational, trying to match Ling’s tone because the kid obviously had a plan… that maybe involved Greed getting away with it too… maybe … Fuck, was he really trusting the brat this much? On the one occasion they had both agreed they would be on their own? 

“That’s because he’s not your friend yet, you dummy.”

“And I’m heartbroken about it! I’m more interested in what those two and two he put together made for him.”

He nodded at Elric, who was watching them with a face between confused and angry.

“Oh yeah! Ed, what did you figure out happened?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He stole Mayor Bradley’s car and kidnapped you!”

“No, he didn’t!”

“Cut your crap, Ling! Tell me what this is! Was I right? Is he threatening you somehow?” He frowned. “Is this that Stockholm Syndrome thing?” 

Greed snorted and stage-whispered “Maybe for me…” Ling elbowed him in the shin. 

“It’s really not Ed. And shouldn’t someone had taught you lot how to address possible victims? ‘Cut the crap’? ‘That Stockholm Syndrome thing’? Not very professional… Anyway…” He took a deep breath “you need to understand that… Greed can you give me a roll drum on the table?”

“Eh… I don’t know if I want to…”

“Come on! I’m going for the dramatic reveal and you’re killing the vibe!”

“I think that a roll drum would kill it more”

“No it wouldn’t!” 

“Yes it would.”

“Oh my God shut up! Tell me, Ling!”

Greed and Ling shared a look, and he knew, he fucking  _ knew _ , what he was about to say.

“Do I need to shut up or tell you?” 

“LING!”

“Okay okay, the big dramatic reveal is that: *I* stole that car, me! Alone!”

And that was that. 

Greed wasn’t stupid (seeing the situation he had stuck himself in that was debatable) so he figured the conversation was going in that direction. But it just didn’t make sense! Why was he taking the blame for something he so openly told he would pin on Greed? Was he betting on Elric not believing him and just cleaning his conscience for betraying him? But this wasn’t a betrayal. He didn’t call the police or stole the car and the money, what was happening wasn’t something Greed could blame on Ling. 

Greed just couldn’t understand but by now he knew that trying to understand that kid’s actions was a useless waste of time, it was better to just sit and wait for Ling to make his all thing known.

Elric from his end, was having none of that.

“Quit saying nonsense! No you didn’t! You don’t know how to steal a car! One with a GPS in it most of all!”

“I could have used Wikihow?”

“No, you didn’t”

“No, I didn’t”

“So quit lying to me!”

“You know, it’s lucky I didn’t use it because you would have never believed me, right? I never would have had the proof that Greed didn’t do it!”

“Wait, you have proofs that could land you in jail?” Greed had to intervene at this point. He didn’t want to but… It couldn’t be true, right? This was just too stupid to be true! Ling was an idiot but he wasn’t stupid. (He gritted his teeth)  _ Please make it so it isn’t true _ .“Proofs that you didn’t eliminate?”

“Not like that! ‘Hot honey’, don’t worry” 

Greed sighed in relief, if only a little (with Ling spilling beans like that he was risking a heart attack after each sentence), but something more important had came up now and he couldn’t believe he was going to say it.

“You know, kid, I actually preferred your old nicknames…”

“Well it’s not like I can use them now, is it? We’re trying to not make Ed worry.” (yeah, because a sentence like that one doesn't make people worry at all...) He turned toward Elric “Anyway, if I didn’t ask Wikihow, nor Yahoo Answers” everyone in the room rolled their eyes “it’s because I had someone much better to ask to! But you need to understand Ed, that I used every hypothetical phrasing possible in this language when talking to them…”

“Asked who?” 

“Whom.” “Whom.” Greed and Ling said at the same time, instead of answering. 

For Greed himself, it had almost been an automatic response. And for fuck’s sake, did the brat rubbed off on him that much?

Ling beamed at him, clearly thinking the same thing... asshole. Meanwhile Elric made the same face he had when Ling was sitting on his lap. Yeah, Greed could have fun with this situation. (And it did make sense if he was still trying to follow Ling’s lead on what to do now to metaphorically save their necks... even if he still didn't know when or why the kid's plan had changed)

“Grammar is important after all.”

“Greed’s right, Ed. Aren’t you supposed to be a college graduate?”

Greed shook his head dramatically.

“I’m really disappointed with the decreasing quality of education in this country.”

“Right? We should contact the most influential figure in politics we can find about this, let them know of our concern. Do you think King Bradley would help us? For the children of this country!”

“I don’t know kid…"

"But the children of the country!"

"Something tells me he may not care about the children… And anyway it could very well be that it’s just his” he gestured toward Elric “ college that sucks”

“Hey! We studied at the same college! Take that back!”

“Did you graduate?”

“Yeah…”

“Than it was definitely your college that sucked!”

“Hey!”

During their brief exchange, Elric just stood there watching them. His face was getting redder by the second, anger building with every sentence that wasn’t answering his original question. At that point, he finally exploded.

“Ling! WILL YOU ANSWER ME, YOU UNGRATEFUL IDIOTIC TRUST FUND BABY!!”

Ouch… That should burn...

Ling actually gasped and not in his fake kind of way.

Yeah, that burnt.

“Okay, okay. But you’re gonna wish I didn’t”

“Don't care, answer me. Who told you how to steal the car?”

“...Winry”

I took some time for Elric to process… what was probably a name? (Greed was kind of lost at this point, but hey, if the conversation didn’t end with him accused of armed kidnapping it was good for him.)

“WHAT? No she didn’t! She would have told me!”

“Told a cop that she helped someone allegedly steal a car?”

“But, but… I don’t believe you!”

Ling gasped again (God he loved to gasp!) and the runt did give him an apologetic look right after.

“Ask her”

Elric, to be fair, didn’t hesitate to do just that, so maybe this Winry lady wasn’t that incorruptible, even to the young cop’s eyes. While staring at them the whole time, he got a better grip on the gun with one hand (that was still pointed at Greed, by the way!) and fished his phone with the other. He started typing on it while still glancing at them every few seconds. He put the phone near his mouth and asked:

“Hey Winry, I know it sounds like a weird thing to ask but.. did you tell Ling how to steal…”

“Hypothetically” the kid chimed in.

“...Fine! Did you tell Ling how to hypothetically” He dragged that word “steal a car three weeks ago and didn't tell me?”

He put the phone down and… nothing… they waited for a few minutes for a response because they were on a fucking stall that only a random woman from the other side of the country could solve.

After those minutes of awkward silence, the phone dinged and he looked at it.

The voice of a girl, this Winry person probably, filled the room with a single, casual,  _ “Yeah.” _

Greed could swear there was smoke coming out of Elric’s ears.

He put the phone near his mouth once again, flustered.

“What the hell Winry, why didn’t you tell me that Ling had stolen a car? You knew I was searching for him!”

The response arrived after only a few seconds this time.

_ “Snitches get stitches, Ed!” _

 

They stayed for a few moments completely still and silent, the only thing in the room moving were Elric’s eyes slowly but relentlessly widening. 

Then Greed burst out laughing, loud and harsh and Ling giggled in the background.

"Oh man, she's a peach! I like this girl!"

Elric gritted his teeth.

"Shut up! Don't even talk about her!" Greed decided to not completely disregard the only guy in the room with a weapon and stopped laughing, settling instead on what he hoped was an utterly annoying shit-eating grin. From the look on the runt's face, it worked. "Ling, what the hell are you doing with a guy like this? I can see the cuffs on that table, don't lie to me and say this is not an abduction!"

Ling snorted but didn't answer.

"Come on, why else would there be cuffs for?"

And that’s when Greed saw a truly amusing scene, a whole incredibly entertaining full dialogue unfold in complete silence.

Ling smiled knowingly and raised an eyebrow at Elric, that just stared at him confused. Ling’s eyebrow kept going up, impossibly up, until the other guy finally got it. 

Elric face went from normal to tomato red in less than three seconds and Ling’s smile widened triumphantly. 

After that Greed got to enjoy the cop that had tried to arrest him multiple times gaping like a fish for at least three minutes. 

Honestly if the runt got one more of this news today his head would probably explode at this point.

“T-Tell… tell me you’re joking!”

“I’d say I wish I did but, I mean, look at hi… Mmmm actually, maybe I shouldn’t give him an even bigger ego that he already has sooo… I wish I was joking, Ed.”

“Y-you and… him?”

“Yup.”

And that was the moment police officer Edward Elric gave in. His characteristic anger left him and he just… took a deep long breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked like a man that had lost all faith in the universe. 

Hilarious.

“Ling, did you join the mob?”

 

Ling looked at him for a few moments, thinking it over, for some reason. Was he trying to come up with a strategy? (Did he not have a strategy when he confessed the theft of Bradley’s car?)

“No”

“T-that’s just it? No? No explanation?”

“Ed, I’ll give you every explanation in a few minutes but first…” 

He looked around for something, Greed didn’t know what but it seemed like he couldn’t find it. 

So he took off one of his shoes, instead (first of all: What? Why? And second: Didn't he just came out of the shower?) and turned it over in his hands.

Then, suddenly, he threw it right into Greed’s face!

Ouch!

What the hell!

“What the hell, Greed!” Oh he looked angry. “You got my meds? Are you out of your mind? It was incredibly risky and what if you were found out by a real cop”

“Hey! What do you mean a ‘real cop’?” Elric butted in and was left ignored.

“Or worse, Bradley!”

“Hey come on Ling, I don’t think the Mayor would have been that unreasonable for just a stolen car!” Elric reasoned. He tried to meet Ling’s eyes but the kid rubbed his head and looked away, he settled for Greed’s own but he also started to find very interesting the ugly motel painting hanging near the bathroom door.

Elric groaned and looked down at Ling once again.

“You stole money from Mayor King Bradley, didn’t you?”

Ling jumped up and started waving his hands frenetically.

“No, no no, let me be absolutely clear, l did *not* do *that*” He stopped and scratched his head once again “...Except, yes, l kinda did that...”

Ling looked around the room and met Greed’s gaze. They nodded at each other. Yeah, time to get serious, and execute the plan Ling had in mind when he exited the bathroom ( _ please, God, I know we hate each other but please let it be that Ling had a plan when he exited the bathroom _ ).

There was only one chair in the room (they still weren’t paying for a double) and Greed was currently using it, so Ling hopped onto the table next to Greed’s elbow and gestured Elric to sit on the bed.

Weirdly enough he did it, stiffly and still holding the damn gun, but he did it.

Then Ling started to talk.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took a while for Ling to… actually tell most of the truth? Was he even capable of doing that?

Okay, okay it wasn’t exactly the truth. Greed actually enjoyed hearing about how Ling had discovered his own father’s plans and crimes and his connection to the mob, how he figured out that Mayor Bradley was deeply involved in everything and how Ling had searched for help discovering a mobster that was trying to get out, yours truly. How Ling stole the money from under his father’s nose and gave it to the employees. About how he and Greed had to run, with the car that Ling stole, to be safe from Bradley’s wrath. (Nice touch, kid)

It was quite impressive how everything checked out. Greed wasn’t painted to be a hero but Ling managed to keep him out of every serious crime that had happened. 

Now it was almost half an hour later and Ling and Greed were following with their head in sync Elric pacing in front of them.

“Bradley! That Bradley! And you what? Found out about this and decided to steal billions of dollars and become chummy with a mobster? How was that your first instinct?”

“What else could I have done?”

“Literally anything else!”

“Oh come on, not *literally* anything”

“You could have told me?”

“I didn’t want to put you in danger, Bradley is a dangerous and powerful man, Ed”

“So you decided to steal his car?”

“He got you there, kid. That was a stupid crazy move!”

“And you! You decided you wanted to leave the mob and go on a road trip with this idiot?”

“This is not a road trip!”

“Yes Ed, thank you! This is indeed a road trip!”

The guy was still pacing up and down, up and down, so much that Greed was kind of feeling nauseous only from looking at him.

“What should I do now? I’ll have to find a way to bring him down, I think I can trust that asshole Mustang at least with this. But… It’ll take time! I can’t bring you back in the meantime... Bradley has men everywhere and if he’s who you say he is… He’ll kill you both.”

Okay, okay. It seemed they could maybe try to find a way out. They just needed to be very careful and choose the right words and the time to say them. The runt was already getting to the conclusion that they couldn’t hide from Bradley’s influence while under custody, at least for now, so maybe if they played their cards right…

“Hey I know! You could let us go, Ed!” 

Yeah, or the brat could just say that!

“WHAT?”

Ling spoke again, enunciating every word, as if that had been the problem.

“You should let us go, look the other way for a couple of minutes while we run”

“Look the other way? Look the other way! This isn’t like when you use your bong in front of me Ling! You’re fugitives, you idiot, I can’t just let you go.”

Ling took his arm and stopped his pacing, putting a hand on his shoulder. Face serious.

“Ed, you can do anything if you believe in yourself!”

“Oh fuck you Ling!”

Greed decided it was a good time to chime in.

If this was the way they were doing things then why the fuck not?

“Well, I for one agree with Ling”

“And fuck you too, Greed!”

“No can do, shrimp” To be fair Elric wasn’t even that short, it was just something Greed found out one time during a police raid: the runt hated jokes about his height! He probably grew up late, or something…

“Don’t call me that! Shut up, literally no one asked for your opinion! This is a no mobster opinion allowed zone!”

“Hey, I’m the one who paid for the room!”

“And with what money?”

What a perfect moment to just shut up and let Ling handle this!

“Look Ed, what choices do you have? I mean, do you really think we could be safe in the system?”

“In the Witness Protection maybe…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said I would snitch to the cops! Don’t put words in my mouth!”

“Shut up Greed” “Shut up Greed”

“Well, it’s true…”

“Maybe later, but now? When Bradley is still the most powerful person in the city?” 

“Yeah you're right…”

“You got to let us go. Look!” Ling got down of the table he had been sitting on and went to the bathroom, returning right after with his bag.

Fuck, he had his bag in the bathroom with him. He could have actually run away. 

Dumbass.

“Look, Ed. This is some of the paperwork I got to sneak out before running away. You could use these to start building a case, or at least to persuade your boss, right?”

The shrimp quickly looked them over and gave a little nod.

“Then let us leave, do you really think what I did was wrong?”

Elric bit his lip, pensive.

“Okay, I’ll cut the crap. Ling, seriously, if you run now, I’m not sure if you’ll be able to come back. Being a fugitive and all…”

“You think I’ll regret it?”

“No, I think your cousin Lan Fan is going to fucking kill me!” He almost screamed this last part. That lady sounded terrifying…

“Oh yeah, that’s probably true! Nobody will be able to find your body after she’ll be done with you. But that’s also true if you put me in jail...” 

“You can see my dilemma!”

“Oh yeah, you’re screwed.” 

Elric had put down the papers and was once again pacing, his fucking antenna hair quivering with thoughts, while Ling took his place hopping on the table once again.

“Okay, okay. Let's do this. If I put you down in the Informants lists I can legally not tell anyone I know where you are. And you’ll be safe to return without ending up in jail once I’ve destroyed that asshole!”

“That… could actually work! What do you think, Greed?”

“Oh, now you want my input, you pissant!”

“What’s up with him?”

“Nothing, he’s just used to have my undivided attention, he’s not good at sharing things and he likes to dramatize everything he does.”

“Wait, he actually likes your attention? Yours? Ling Yao’s?”

“I know, I’m exquisite!”

Greed fake-coughed loudly and they both looked at him confused. Good. This conversation had been going on without him at the center of it for far too long.

“What makes you think I’m willing to babysit the brat for months to then just let him go?”

Elric just looked back confused while Ling leaned a little toward him and whispered in his ear, putting a hand in front of his mouth so Ed wouldn’t hear.

“Careful now, you’re sounding a lot more like a kidnapper than the both of us want you to sound… ”

“Well, tough shit Ling!” He did not lower his voice, who the fuck cared?

“What the hell are you talking about? Ed is trying to give us the chance to go back to our normal lives after taking down Bradley, and you want to miss out on that because of your ego?”

“I mean, you two are on the run with no other option of ever going back to normal if not by doing this. You got nothing, why not team up?”

Greed had to laugh at him.

“Team up with you? You want *me* to follow *your* plan? Thanks for the laugh…”

“Don’t be an asshole Greed” Ling warned him, like he’d listen.

“I’m just saying…”

“...That you don’t want to follow our plan even if you don’t have one yourself?”

“I can just keep on running. Work on my solo career. It’s not like *I* can go back to my old life now, even without cops or Bradley...And you two brats need to understand that you cannot make plans for me without my input…”

Ling was watching him intently, it was annoying.

“What now pest?”

He leaned even more, his stupid face was inches from his own.

“Ohhhh”

“What?”

“Awww, Hot honey!!!”

“What?”

“You’re adorable, you know that?”

“What are you on about! I just want the respect I deserve”

Elric snorted and Greed flipped him off.

Ling seemed to come up with something, which was never a good sign, but then he only said, looking at him like a lost puppy

“Pleeeeease Greed, please be okay with this plan. Or at least open to it! He’ll let us go and when it’s time to decide we’ll do it together.”

Which made him roll his eyes… and didn’t give him much choice but to say yes to him. Greed really hated the pest.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 

They quickly collected their things and readied their bags. 

“I really don’t want to know what's in those things, do I?”

“Ed, Ed, Ed...Why ask questions you’d hate the answer to?” Ling didn’t answer shaking his head. 

Greed didn’t even dignify that with a non-answer, what people did to make themselves feel better about having a moral high ground was boring and more than a little annoying. But the shrimp did just forsake some of his duties or whatever for them, and was going to try to help them out of the shitty situation they’d gotten themselves into so he wasn’t going to judge… much.

He was about to open the door when Elric stopped him.

“Greed, you should change the car. I did not tell anyone about my investigation but I did the searches in the office, someone could get them and find you the same way I did”

Greed turned around and saw him clearly wanting to kick himself for helping him escape his own colleagues. Well, this was something he didn’t see every day. He laughed, loud.

“We’ll see if I’ll be desperate enough to follow a cop's advice on running away…” Yeah, he should do this… Letting them go and then turning on them didn't make sense. He took out a pen and an old receipt and scribbled his burner phone number. “Call us only if they’re onto us or if it’s safe to come back, memorize it and then burn this thing.”

Elric took the receipt bewildered while Ling beamed at them.

“Sure, and here’s mine if you need anything, maybe new meds in a few weeks?”

When they were finally ready to move (They had to get out of there immediately. Hell, Elric still had his on phone with him and on) Ling fist-bumped his friend. Dork.

“Go overturn the city government, make me proud. And finally make up for the fact that you made me be friends with a cop all these years.”

“Asshole… Good luck”

“You too. Let's go, 'Hot armed Honey' ”

They were already in the car when they heard the scream.

“What do you mean ‘armed’?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last one should come up in couple of days... stay tuned


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm an asshole guys (you know why), it's just...the holidays are tough... I hope I can make up for it with this ending.

Tim was bored. So fucking bored. But it wasn't like he could complain. It was almost midnight and the only customer in the whole shitty “Grue Qui Parle” diner he worked at was a middle aged woman drinking her sixth cup of coffee, not making conversation except for complaining now and then about her inability to sleep.  
Just stop drinking six cups of coffee at midnight, lady!  
  
Anyway, boredom was fine. He could play with his phone and try not to think about how many classes he was falling behind on, glancing now and again at the book he kept open on the counter so he didn't feel too guilty about not studying.  
The lady still had most of her coffee in front of her and he was nailing this level. Hell, even the radio was actually putting on almost decent music tonight, so of course, two fucking guys had to ruin everything showing up fighting.  
  
"Were you actually trying to kill us, kid? Not reminding me you hadn't eaten and driving us?"  
  
"It's not like you don't have a stomach, how do you not know if you had dinner or not?"  
  
"Because me not eating dinner doesn't lead to us getting killed in an accident while I faint and drive."  
  
Tim rolled his eyes. God, this leather loving guy should do road safety ads: don't faint and drive, kids!  
  
"I was doing fine up until you decided to smack me in the head to tell me to stop here" The younger, less edgy looking one rubbed his head but seemed more concerned about said smack ruining his thoughtfully messed up hair more than anything.

They sat on a booth and, fuck they actually wanted to eat here, didn't they? Not just a quick coffee or something...  
Well, at least they seemed to have come up with a truce and they stopped their fight in time to order, wait for the food and then start eating...  
  
Tim needed to restart the level though, and he so didn't feel like it. Life was unfair.  
Getting his entertainment from the two idiots it was, then!  
They were having some kind of staring contest while eating soup that would be hilarious if Tim actually cared, but it was obvious who was going to win it. 'Ponytail' was obviously angrier and more stubborn, if the way someone eats soup is any indication.  
'Edgy' cave in first as suspected. (Tim should write a book on behavioral psychology and soup eating, make millions and finally quit this fucking job)  
  
"So that happened eh?"  
  
'Edgy' winced at the awkwardness of his own words, and Tim could actually hear 'Ponytail' rejoice on that, while keeping staring and eating.  
  
“...And you’re mad at me… Because…” ‘Edgy’ gestured with his hand for the other to finish the sentence.  
  
“You know why.” Boy, he wasn't giving an inch to the poor guy.  
  
“Is it the not wanting to listen to a cop’s suggestion? Can you really blame me, kid?”  
  
“Fuck no, I get that! I totally do."  
  
Oh?  
Interesting? Maybe?  
'Ponytail' went on.  
  
"And I know it’s just because I have the chance to go back to my old life and you don’t"  
  
"Ouch… way to lay it on easy on a guy"  
  
"Sorry… but well… As you said, I’m mad at you! You didn’t tell me about the pills!"  
  
Oh there were pills involved... and cops!  
This was getting better than the two brothers’ shonen he had to stop binging to come to work today.  
  
“You’re angry about that?”  
  
“Of course I’m angry about that!”  
  
"But you had nothing to lose! The cops would come..." He looked around to check if anyone could hear him, didn't look at Tim behind the counter and went on with the same volume, idiot..."The cops would come you'd get away, the cops wouldn't you'd have your pills!"  
  
"You... you're an idiot, you know that?"  
  
Yes, he really seemed to be...  
  
"Come on, kid, like you hadn't thought about it"  
  
"I… I can’t believe it! You… you’re actually the most oblivious person I've ever met! Like, right now I'm sure you're actually thinking that in a few months, when Ed will be done, there'll be nothing for you back in the city, right?"  
  
"It's not just me thinking that... it's the truth"  
  
Heartbreaking.  
Why this fucking place didn't sell popcorn?  
  
"Oh God! I can actually see your line of thinking! You’ll be all alone… You won't know where to go... It’s true, isn’t it? It’s not like if Bradley and his trusted ones are out of the way the rest of the mafia is going to congratulate you and welcome you back in…”  
  
There was the mafia involved?  
Tim could stop paying for Netflix and just follow these two around instead.  
  
“Well, yeah no. I mean yes that's actually it. I mean, my old man is… well… old and crazy, he sits in his chair playing chess by himself all day… I think if Bradley’s caught and I’m out, then Lust… she'll be the one in charge…”  
  
“Did your father have seven children just to name you all like that?”  
  
Wait, Lust was a real name?  
  
“He tried… He only had six and… Ohhh it was sooo good that he hadn’t been able to do it, but that asshole of Wrath had to ruin it and name his offspring Pride…”  
  
“One more reason to hate the guy, right?”  
  
“Oh yes, trying to make our old man happy is way worse than that fraud thing he did to you…”  
  
“I’m sure…” ‘Ponytail’ didn’t look sure.  
  
“Anyway, if he’s going to go down for something then Lust will be in charge of things”  
  
“And what would that mean for you?”  
  
“Well for one I’m not going to be able to join back… not that I wanted to… but yeah. On the bright side, she’s probably not going to actively try to kill me… maybe?”  
  
Tim could see 'Ponytail' practically vibrating for trying not to groan, or slap or throw his soup at the other guy.  
He was so clearly trying to make 'Edgy' understand something that was going way over the other’s head.  
When would he stop with the little leading questions and just say it already? Tim needed to know!  
  
“Well… that’s good right?”  
  
“Oh yeah! I’m so happy! I’m probably not going to get brutally murdered by my own family! What a wonderful life I have!”  
  
Every single person in the diner winced in sympathy, even 'Ponytail' in his growing frustration and the six coffee lady over there.  
  
“That’s the bare minimum, isn’t it?”  
  
Yeah.  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“So it’s the fact that if you won’t have the excuse of having to run across the country and never stop moving.” ‘Ponytail’ gestured with his spoon, careful not to spray soup everywhere, thankfully.  
  
“Excuse for what?”  
  
“For the fact that you won’t be able to talk to anyone of the people you knew back until now… Your life will actually go on without any of them, because of your choices…”  
  
“Wow, your tact today is astonishing, kid”  
  
“Sorry… but it is that, isn't it?”  
  
“What if it is?”  
  
“Well it’s not true”  
  
Yay, was he going to say it?  
  
“How so?”  
  
“You’ll have me”  
  
Awwwwwww. Romance! This story had everything!  
  
"Cute"  
  
I don't appreciate your sarcastic tone 'Edgy', be adorable and kiss the guy, come on!

"Come on, Hot armed Drama Queen! Don't be like that! Listen, our song is playing!"  
Their song was Toto's Africa?  
  
'Ponytail' went up to 'Edgy' and took his hand, leading him out (and stealing a couple of twenties from his pocket with his other hand, practically throwing them at the table).  
Yeah, this was obviously the perfect moment for a smoke break. Tim didn't smoke but he should try one. Now. Outside. Where the drama was. (Lady, you can steal every single penny in the register, see if Tim cares! Also, Rachel’s emergency cigarettes and lighter were right near the menus anyway)  
  
“I’m serious, Hot armed Darling… I made a lot of important people lose a lot of money, I’m going to need a big scary hot armed buff bodyguard”  
  
'Edgy' smirked. Finally, he got it. Building a rocket is easier.  
  
“Is that a normal template for job announcement?”  
  
“It’s on my Linkedin and everything”  
  
Tim was confused by the whole dialogue if he had to be honest, these weren't things that just happened in real life. He lighted a cigarette and pretended to smoke.  
The two had arrived at their car and 'Edgy' made 'Ponytail' spin half a circle and pressed him against it.  
  
"Wow, kid, the size of the silver spoon you have to say sentences like that one..."  
  
"Fuck you! I'll show you the size of my silver spoon"  
  
He got laughed at. Fair, that had been lame.  
  
“Lame."  
  
"Yeah, I can do better"  
  
"Don't strain yourself"  
  
'Ponytail' seemed to enjoy being talked back at. Weird guy.  
  
“I can't wait to have a big bad scary mobster keeping me safe... But that’ll be in at least a couple of months, what will we do until then, hot armed hottie?”  
  
'Edgy', still pressing him down against the car, took his time pretending to think about it.  
  
“We’re two insane, incredibly attractive guys, running from the cops and the mob with a shitload of money, no responsibilities and months to spare.”  
  
He smiled, slyly.  
Were they going to Thelma and Louise it?  
  
“I say we go on a road trip, kid”  
  
And kissed him.  
Fuck yes!  
(Just don't fucking die, okay? Tim was hooked.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!  
> I had so much fun writing this! One day I'll come back to this story and make it a series maybe. 
> 
> For now, I'm already almost working on another idea with these two, so stay tuned I guess.

**Author's Note:**

> Every feedback will be appreciated (as in I'll cry of joy for every single one of your comments. Validation from strangers, guys, that's what I need more than anything).
> 
> Come talk to me on [ tumblr](http://lylvandam.tumblr.com/)


End file.
